If i wasnt meant to fly, i wouldnt have this wings~~~<3

Been asking for lots of opinion about me retiring from my study and job for a while~~~
I was thinking that i want to take a 6months to 1 year of holiday by traveling across the country starting with Florida...been getting a lot of feedback...and most of it agree with my decision while i'm still young and not attach to any commitment in my life yet..but i'm still considering this idea as i need to save up most of my salary now to spend it abroad..as my ticket fares will be cover up by my big sis in Florida... She's my big supporter as she has been asking for me to come down there since like almost 3 years a go...but then i'm commited with my studies and couldnt go...so as i will be graduating in Jun 2010, i'm thinking of spending half of my 2010 by having holiday in florida and travel all the states that i could go there as my lodging will be free and all i need is just money to spend on my stuffs and foods... I'm thinking of going by July 2010... I keep listening when people say that i'm still young and all, and that i have a tons of time in my hands now...My mum wants me to continue study in other field than what i'm taking now, and my grams keep telling me to find a job first! I'm so mixed up inside and honestly i dont know what exactly that i want anymore...i keep wanting to please people in my life and most of the time, what i've been doing is satisfying other peoples' need than mine...so i'm thinking, why dont i go away for a while and spend sometime on my own to think clearly about what i want to do exactly without any interruption and i might as well gain some experience in other countries than mine...

So, peeps, any opinion for me? I'm still looking forward to hear more opinion before i decided if i want to go for real or not...
*but deep inside, i really do...just want to consider the pro's n cons*

Thats all for today...looking forward to hear any suggestions~~
XOXO <3

Drama version of muaayyy???~~~

I've watch Kkotboda Namja before~~ and suddenly i was reminded of ga eul and yii jung relationship~~ I realize that i'm acting the same way as Ga eul as she really like yii jung eventhough she knows that he's a player...eventhough she really like him, she even help him to reunite with his first love... while i, now i'm giving him support to pursue the one he loves~~~ But atleast Ga Eul and Yii Jung have happy ending...while mine are now getting darker~~hahaha...the other common thing with me and Ga eul is, we both work part-time as a waitress~~ what a beautiful coincidence~~~

Been listening to Lenka - The Show.... a beautiful lyrics that suits me really well...as if i'm the one whose writing it coz it says all the things in my head~~~hehehe... love it!

Thats all for today~~~ a tiring nyte at work just now...
XOXO <3

Cancellation of Limerence~~~ *wish i could*

Well, well, well!!! Looks like my adore have found himself another person... He admitted that he's in love with that girl~~~ I guess, that's mean no more waiting for graduation for me... He's already gone...
The limerence that i have towards him are somehow have to be killed, sooner or later.. Meanwhile, i'm gonna live my life the way it is, coz i'm always here for me, and no one else will...
The thing is, its a lie if i said that i didnt hurt by what he'd done... I guess it doesnt hurt if he does that to me without knowing what i feel for him, juz like i used to like someone for 6 years before...it doesnt hurt when he have a gf finally bcoz he doesnt know... But in this case, its different... i think my feelings towards him is obvious and plus i did ask him directly on what he felt bout me, and guess what? He never replied...any of it! That hurts you know~~~ It really hurts when he knows how i feel and still ignores me...
But i guess, i'm not a princess whose fairytale would come true~~~
I wish him the best and hope he will be happy while i'll make my life happier with my musics~~~
Thats all for today....
XOXO <3

p/s: oniichan, if you're reading this, thank you for all ur counseling advice..hehehe~~

Tentang Kamu~~~

ku tak bisa menebak
ku tak bisa membaca
tentang kamu
tentang kamu

kau buat ku bertanya
selalu dalam hatiku
tentang kamu
tentang kamu

bagaimana bila akhirnya ku cinta kau
dari kekuranganmu hingga lebihmu
bagaimana bila semua benar terjadi
mungkin inilah yang terindah

looks like he found the one he adored already and i guess the arrangement are dismissed~~
Oniichan told me to not give up yet and just hold on..but i couldnt hope for more

All I wanted is to know
All I need is reassurance
All I ask is for you to tell me
Everything that I want to know

You made my world chaos
You made the turbulence that I couldnt stop
I wanna believe you
But I'm scared that I could lost

Lost and trapped in the space
Of where my heart wont rest
But I'll do my best
wishing this is just a test

If you're taking it slow
Just let me know
Dont left me blind
if you're just being too kind

Looking around me
I know you're all that I see
and I'm just being me
Living my life without you here

-naraj©2010-

Straying From Life~~~

I dont know why...but lately esp today, i started thinking about what should i do in my life as my career... i noe that i want a job that can give me money but at the same time i'm enjoying doing it as my career not just for the sake of money only... At first, i think that the career that i would love most is something that has to do with arts or anything with artistic value such as, designing, advertising, animating, music perhaps or something in those fields...but then, i realize that i'm not creative enough to be in that position of work...i'm scared that i would be numb and dumb... now i was given a choice, whether to continue in multimediaon my own)after a 1 year break, or get under a sponsorship to study culinary with a 3 years contract~~~ i soooo torn up right now...its like, i'm suddenly not sure what i want anymore...i love both but i'm not sure if either suit me or not...will i be happy with either??? What should i doooo????? Please show me the light and dont let me stray too far~~~
X.O.X.O <3

Need to get myself together again~~~*sigh*

i'm so damn bored!!!! I've started my practical since last week which is earlier than anyone else....i was promised that i would do the website for the company that i work for, but when i get there, they told me that the website project have been given to another students from a diff college!!!! Damn!!! i was sooo frustrated coz i dont know what should i do for my practical project~~~ aaaahhhhh~~~ at that time i feel like i wanna cry~~~ but then i ask my lect what should i do..then she told me that i could do smthg to improve the website or i could do and flash video ad to put up in the website... i tried to ask my manager bout that but all she says is, i'm not sure how the website thing is going,bcoz i'm not the only one who incharged of it...kyaaaa~~~ why couldnt she told me earlier....and all i'm doing now is account, account, account of the worker there...which is a-hell-lot!!! There's this one day that i finally get to do what i'm supposed and love to do which is designing the ad for that company...i was estatic..i love that moment...but then, that's that.... i didnt get anymore thing that have to do with what i' supposed to do.... Hate this~~~ i' worried about my practical thing...what should i do for my project report??? what should i fill in in my log book~~~gosh!!! this is irritating me now~~~!!!!!! Kiirrraaaaaiiiieeeeee nnnneeeehhhhhh!!!!!!!
X.O.X.O <3

Thinking~~~ Been thinking hard~~~

I never think that i would think what i have been thinking lately... Usually i would think that i am contented just the way i am~~ Single~~
But actually sometimes, even though i keep telling myself that i'm happy just to be with my families and my friends, i feel a longing inside... Long for someone to share secret jokes, someone to always care for you not in a siblings-or-friends-kind-of-way, someone who you can imagine your future with together..someone to love..a soulmate~~~
I do feel happy with my family and friends...but once in a while i just feel like want to get away from friends and be apart for a while from my family, to spend time on my own..at that particular moment, i always wish that there is someone i could bring with me..someone that i love and he loves me too, someone that i care for and he cares for me too...
People keep saying being single is a bliss..but they are lying..coz deep down inside, they do feel lonely and want to feel needed and love by someone...
I used to think that maybe i should go with the flow and wait till my soulmate arrive...but sometimes i do think that maybe i need to make the first move...but then, i dont know how~~~ i fear that i would drive them away instead of being together... I fear for a lot of things..I fear to love because i'm scared he'll leave, I fear to move forward because i'm scared of what may lay ahead, I fear of dying bcoz i'm scared of hell~~~
We all have different fears in our life..without fear, we are not exactly human....what's the point of being numb and not feel the fear as everyone else..without fear, we will never know the great feeling once we overcome our fears~~~
X.O.X.O <3