Turbulance Of Emotion~~~~

I can't find the right words to begin with~~~

I miss him.... I miss the one who used to call me his little princess.. I miss all the midnight snacks and food he make just to wake me up to watch tv with him... I miss watching late night movies with him and fall asleep in front of the tv, but waking up in my bed the next morning... I miss the one that always try to fulfill everything that i want... I miss the one that always back me up no matter what... I miss hanging and holding his hand when we walk on the street... I miss watching football that he like with him eventhough i'm not interested at the beginning... I miss hearing his voice... I miss all his advice... I miss his calmness in the house... I miss running to him whenever i'm down... I miss telling him how unfair people treated me whenever he's not around... I miss hugging him... I miss massaging his back and his leg... I miss pulling out his grey hair, which he always ask me to... I miss his cooking, all the western, chinese, thailand other cuisine that he loves to cook esp on weekend... I miss him always having me to help him instead of others...
I miss going home finding him cooking for us... I miss telling him to stop smoking and keep throwing away his cigarettes... I miss him getting mad at us, then laugh after he scolded us and looking it as a funny thing.... I miss him always try to make a funny joke whenever mum gets mad at us... I miss him for always having by my side and agree with me eventhough mum says no...

Now i continue living ruefully for not being by his side on his last day, for not knowing what happen to him because he told everyone to not let me know because he won't want me to worry... I rue that i didnt get a chance to talk to him and hug him on his last breathe... I still rue that when i get home, all that welcomed me is his cold body...

I need him more now as no one understands me as he does... No one to back me up when mum scolded me for something i didnt do, for things that's not my fault... No one to give me calmness and love as he does... No one to cool off mum whenever she's mad... No one to make funny jokes when everyone is tense... No one to cook delicious and special meal for me in the middle of the night... No one to wake me up, juz to watch classical movie together... No one to talk about arts, english literature, musics, and good books....

No one at all~~~





XOXO <3