Suddenly, thinking of those days when i'm in kindergarten... I used to go to Sunny Hill's... I remembered that back then there are this one girl who always bully me.. I dont know why she hates me so much...I never bother her life, in fact I always end up giving her my stuffs..esp new stuffs... When she saw me with a new stationary or anything new, she would come to me looking sad and asking for sympathy... Maybe I'm stupid, coz i always fall for it...Then, after she gets what she wants from me, she would start ignoring me again and pretend she didnt know me and showing off the new stuff that she gets from me, saying that she just bought it to her friends...
Actually, i dont really mind that part.. I just want to be friends with her..that's all...But the incident that i would never forget is, there's one day..while we were waiting for our van to go home (we ride in the same van), the place that we get to wait is like a bus stop but with all the gates around it..and our teacher will wait with us...that day, i was playing with the entrance gate..by that time, the entrance gate is just above my waist...suddenly, this girl came to me.. At first i thought she wants to play with me..But suddenly, she push the gate hard until i can barely breathe..and i was about to cry while looking at her.. she just smile with her wicked smile and keep pushing... I was gasping for air by the time she let go of the gate...Our teacher turn to look at me when that girl already sitting down... I was thinking of telling my teacher about what just happen, but then, she always accuse me of lying in front of our teacher..coz when she took my things i did try to get it back by telling our teacher..but she is very clever by that time, she marked the things after she took it so she can claim that that's hers and I'm lying and i was trying to steal her things... I dont know why i was so naive and stupid back then... I hate her...But i never seem to hold my grudges long...So by the next day, usually i forget about it... She keeps doing that to me until one day, this new girl enter our class and she only want to make friends with me... So most of my time i spend with my new friend and fortunately our house is very near... So the mean girl was kind of jealous and she did try to steal my friend from me..Well, thats how i look at it back then..she's trying to steal my friend coz she doesn't want anyone to be friends with me... At one point, i guess she did win...She manage to steal my only friend...
During the first year of my kindergarten, i think there are no male students..so in the second year, finally there are boys around... That mean girl is still in my class, but my friend that she manage to steal in the other class...and it turns out she kinda dump that girl, if u could say it that way..LOL... Somehow i think she just want to torture my life...
So, with the boys around, I dont know why, but I made friend with the boys quite easily..maybe because i was quite wild back then.. Used to play with my cuzzies everyday whom are all boys... I still remember these three boys that i'm quite close to... Lets give them initials.. the cute malay boy called I, the skinny iban boy called L and the tall bidayuh boy called R... I is quite popular among the girls there..coz he's cute and all... But he's close with me coz our sisters are friends and in the same class.. His sister, as i remembered, is very beautiful and nice...she likes me a lot...she even scolded her brother if he teased me... So, that mean girl was trying to be my friend just to join my group of friends... At my table, there are I, L R and this one cute chinese girl called S... we always seems to laugh over silly things and teachers always scolded us for not paying attention..what can i say, we still kids! LOL
So, the mean girl try to join our table saying that she have no friends...the others just look at me and i asked L if its ok with them...so from that day on, she joins our table... Since she join the table, I became silent... I cant talk or laugh as i used to with them...she would stare at me or kick my leg down the table if i talk to any of the guys... Guess she just cant stand to see I'm happy huh?
Maybe I am an idiot... I'm too naive, innocent and i couldn't stand up for myself.... But when i try to look at it now, maybe i'm not scared.. I was just trying to get by with everyone peacefully.. i just want people to like me...That's all that I'm asking for...For people to love being my friends... And i guess I'm still much the same inside... Coz I did experience the same kind of situation again over last 2 years..the different is just the girl is not mean in front of people and me...she looks very innocent and very nice..but turns out that she's a hypocrite!
Why do I keep ending up with that kind of people??? I know that i shouldn't sulk or rant about it..coz I know, it teaches me on how to deal with these kind of peoples and makes me stronger... But sometimes, i'm just tired...
Well, at least i did found a lot of true friends on my way here... and i love all of them!!! Thanks for sticking with me you all... You just don't know how much you guys mean to me... I wish i could repay all of your kindness to me... and i really2 appreciate our friendships! Life goes on and we're moving forward..but you all still remains in my heart forever!
p/s: to all the bully out there, thank you for making me stronger...and i hope one day you'll realize that you can't forever making people feel weak and useless...even though it's you that have no confidence at all... Eventually you'll end up realizing it when you're in our shoes... Cheerios!
XOXO <3
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