Demons

Everyone have their own demons

That inner voice that keeps telling you

That you are not good enough

That voice that keep making you doubt

Making you feel that everything is bleak

Making you feel alone with no one to turn to

Making you feel like you're out of breath

And suffocated when you try to keep it inside

And pretend that you are okay

Some people are good at hiding it

Some people become more kind and emphatic

Coz they try to make it easier for others

And ease their burdens

Some people become more cruel and heartless

Wanting them to feel the pain that they are feeling

Wanting others to suffer as they suffers too

Some people just keep getting drown into the abyss

Especially when they don't want people to know

I've been there...

Half of my life i was good at hiding it

And pouring it own on pen and papers

And burn it out so people wont find out

How dark my thoughts are

How i yearn for death more than i ever counted

Ever since i was young

How blood is fascinating to me whenever i cut myself

Just to feel the pain externally to silenced out the internal ones

How night skies is my favourite scenery

Wishing i could fly far far away from this mundane and bleak world

And those times, those pain turns me into who i am

And i dont want others to go thru the same

I've been feeling rueful of how i live my younger days

Trying so hard to be someone perfect

Just so everyone would love me

But now, i just want to be good and happy as i am

I just want to love myself more

And do whatever bring peace to my heart

And those demons inside me?

They are my friends now

To remind me, so i will keep my head down

To remind me not to put my nose up high

Forgetting the suffering other might be going through

Sometimes those demons gets too full of themselves

And engulfing me in the darkness

But my heart is always full of hope

I believed that is my strongest weapon, hope

And i always hope that no matter how dark it is

I can still see the silver lining that will pull me through

And that is why i always try

To be someone who can help others see

The silver lining in their own misery

Hoping that, by saving them

I can save myself too

And that i lived and loved with all that i have

And leaving them remembering me

As someone who is full of hope and kindness

And not the demons that's suffocating me inside

-naraj2020-