...Fragile...

Since i'm just daddy's little princess
I dont care much bout my appearance
i dont care what people say about me
But I do want to look beautiful
It's just I'm ashamed of doing it
as I feel that I'm far from beauty

As I grow, I keep listening to words that says how ugly I am
I keep getting ignorance from boys that I have crush on
I'm being invisible in the eyes of everyone else
Sometimes I wish I was beautiful and I always admires my friends around me that are far more beautiful than me

As I step into my high school...
Insecurity still a part of me
I keep distance from guys and only look at the person that I really like from a far
I try to be invisible as I try to ignore the teasing that suddenly came for me
I feel like I'm being fooled
I feel like no one would really like me and they just want to play around and tease me
and the only thing I'm good at is being mad at guys that tease me

I watched him from a far..I watched him everyday during school time
We watched him together and I missed that moment
I still feel ugly as he never look at me
and I feel like I didnt even exist in his world
Until he gave me his drawings...I fall deeper
and for 6 years, I put my hope on him..and rejected the rest

For the first time I went away from my family
Studying far from the comfort of home
and this is where I get the news that crushed me
He found the one he's looking for
I try to move on and live on being happy for him
and I found the one that makes my heart beats like no one ever did
making me feel for the first time, "He's the one"...by just the first meeting
I get on, being happy...feel like I'm falling to someplace I never know
Till he poached my heart, leaving me for his 1st love
The 1st time someone makes me feel like I wanna cry my heart out
and I guess, that's that..so much for my happy ending

Being me, sometimes I wonder
What will I look like if I watched how I live my own life in others shoes
I know someone did say that I'm a fool
for dreaming of a fairytale ending
but i never stop wishing

I still feel fragile being me
Some says I'm a dreamer
Some says I'm beautiful
Some says I'm cute
Some says I'm a good friend
Some says I'm just perfect
But no matter what people say and see me
I'm still fragile inside
I still need to get my confidence which is ZERO
Even if it's just a little thing like wearing my hair down
Or wearing a sweater/jacket in middle of the hot day
All I do is to hide myself from my insecurity

I may sound pessimist and says things about myself pessimisticly
but in my head, I'm my own great motivator that are very optimist
Though still, it's not enough to get rid of my fragility
Coz no matter what I'll always feel fragile

-naraj©2010-