all the darkest fears...

sometimes you think you are good enough

well the truth is, you're not

sometimes you think you deserves better,

well the truth is, you doesn't

sometimes you think you're cool,

well honey, you sucks!

sometimes you think you can fool everyone

well, hello, there's still who are smart enough to know

sometimes you think you're right

well the truth is you're wrong

sometimes you think that you're the only one who's hurting

well think again, coz your child suffer more

sometimes you think it's okay to hurt your own blood

well let me ask you, who's going to take care of you later?

sometimes you think you are so beautiful

well darling, beauty fades...but you're darken heart doesn't

sometimes you think you're on the right side

well how about i suggest you listen to both sides first

sometimes I'm just so fed up with all this

well, I'm bracing it for the sake of the one's I love 

-naraj11-

what could be...

trying to hold back

everything that I wanna say
trying to understand

what exactly you are to me

I've been patient for so long

giving you the peek of what's inside

but you never seem to understand
or are you just trying to pretend

wishing that yesterday would be the day

where I'll say it out loud and clearly to you

but everything seem to be in the way

and I can only watch you walk away

maybe it's my fault for being a fool

not understanding what you really mean before

and maybe now it's too late

but i really hope you still feel the same way as before

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

Only A Fool...

when what if creeps into my mind

when I wish I had done more than I have

and I suddenly realized

i have done all i can when you let me die

i gave you my heart coz i thought it would last

i gave my trust coz i thought you would be the same

but you threw it away without hesitation

and I feel like a fool to believe you twice

its the last straw that you took from me

its the last hope i could ever give to anybody

and you took it all away when you leave me

now my heart is just a space fill with stone of ice

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...Say Hello To Goodbye...

performed by Shontelle

written by Martin Hansen, Layne, Sorvaag

Hey there stranger, how you been
Feels like I'm standing on the outside looking in
At the mess we left behind
And it's a long way to fall
I gave you everything I had
I gave it all
And then my heart was on the line

I can't hate you
Any longer
I know I'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let it go.

Say hello to goodbye, cause it's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello...

And this is how it has to be
Cause it's a deadly combination, you and me
You know it's undeniable
Even though we tried it all
We brought the worst out in each other
I recall
We can't act it anymore

What doesn't kill you
It makes you stronger
And though I'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let you go
Say hello to good-bye

It's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello...

And even though the tears will dry
I can't completely disconnect
Couldn't make the compromise
Didn't have a safety net

Say hello to goodbye
Heeey ya ya

Say hello, goodbye

Say hello to good-bye
It's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll survive without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, hello
To goodbye.

...Just LOL...

and I wanna laugh it off

coz I make myself sound silly

and I asked myself  "really??"

coz its all just a fucking game for you

and I thought that I was strong

I thought I could play along

but instead I fall off the edge

and now I'm left with the damage

this heart is not functioning no more

with you, it's the final straw

and I dont wanna care anymore

coz there's no room left that are cured

and you thought I would cry?

sorry it just never happen

my tears are all dried up before you

and it still won't come out for you

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

..Annoyismn...

curiosity? oh it is good...but it also can kill...
but now, it only cause me lots and lots of annoyance!!!
what would you feel when, one day..out of the blue, some unknown number called you but they didnt speak a word? and you feel stupid talking to the empty phone until they hang up on you...
aahh~ maybe some would say, I should be flattered coz maybe some admire are flirting with me...
Duh!!!

one thing to be straight, I dont play games in this LOVE department...
and I hate people playing tricks or hide-and-seek with me!
sorry, I'm not that kind of girl..if you planned to play around, go find someone else...
and I don't take relationship easily...I only go for the serious type or long term type...so, anyone that wants to dump me as soon as you guys had enough of me, you are sooo in my BLACK LIST now...
poach my heart and I'll let you die slowly... muahahahaha~ *evil laugh*

I'll wallow, I'll be sad...and that's because those feelings are my muse...but that doesn't mean that I really can't get over it...I'm sooooo over it the day you start feeding me your LIES...

to the number owner, seems like you've known me...and you should be thankful that I dont have any credit to give you a piece of me that you'll regret...tell me the truth and you'll be spared...
Just stop this annoying thingy ok!!! I need peace not some curiosity that'll cause me annoyance...better hurry before it's too late...I may forgive, but you may be ignored...
there...
thank you for listening...

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

..is it that much fun?...

does that makes you superior?

does it makes you feel good?

do you think she's just a trophy?

for you to show off and leave her be?

she used to be a shining star

and with you she shines brighter

but then you stole that shines away

leaving her dead in the hallway

Girl you know you are way more better
don't let him steal your lights away

you're still that pearl inside your shell
you just have to find it again

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

...sense of solid ground...

I would not fall

I would not break

I'm tired of all the fairytale lie

and I'm glad to be where I am now

maybe I'll fall and breakdown

but not now, not for you

these tears won't fall for you

maybe I should see that as a sign

all the things you did before

I am trying not to think about

but maybe I will once in a while

coz I'm not bulletproof

I won't wish for you anymore

Coz you're just a memory I'd rather forget

I'll found someone like you

or should I say better than you

and forgive me for deleting you

and all the misses that I've said

maybe it's just a lie my heart told me

coz I don't even feel a thing about you and her

I've found my solid ground

I've found my one and only Love

and He would never leave me hanging and begging

you're just a broken string that I would never fix

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

...it's those feelings again...

i finally found out

that we were done

thanks for making me realize

I was not worth your time

thank you for making me feel

being so beautiful for a while

though I know it's not real

but I believe you somehow

Love makes you stupid

Love makes you blind

and I know I'm not moving

though I said I'll move on

coz here I go again

wishing for you

listening to your voice singing

like when I had you

though you didn't hear me

but you said you knew

how much you meant to me

and how I miss you

how I wish I could lie

and turn it into the truth

coz it all falls apart

and I can't turn to you

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

...sometimes silent is good..sometimes it kills the heart...

you may feel sad

you may be down

you may say that you did terribly than the other

and you might blame others for not understanding

you want people to feel what you feel

want them to not talk about their own anxiety

want them to just shut up

coz you think they're not considerate of you

but did you ever thought

how they feel when you push them away

when you just disappears

and left them tired and sad

why can't you just say

say it out loud

that you want to be alone

that you'd take care of yourself

you never care

you never bother

all you know is what you feel

but you dont feel any empathy

-naraj©2011-

xoxo ♥

..words...

Even if it's just words...it kills my spirit...
even if you doesn't intend to do it...but still my soul feels remorse...
I know I'm not up to your expectations...and I'm sorry...
I'm trying my best to do all that I could...
You make me feel like the light I'm holding on in this tunnel suddenly fade away...
Now I'm lost and I dont know how to get going...
It's dark and I feel tired...
Maybe I should just sit here in the dark for a while...
and wait for the lights from a passerby...
but I'm scared that I'd be going down under...
without me realizing what's happening...
My spirit, my soul...
I need my salvation~

-naraj©2011-

XOXO ♥

...oh, let me out....

the despair....
how I wish it would go away...
yesterday I was okay...
with the fact that I just don't care...
but today...
this heart misses you...
this mind keep picturing you...
this eyes keep looking for you...
this hand wants to msg you...
and with all that I got...
I try to ignore the fact...
I try to lie to myself...
I try to live like I used to before...
I try to pretend that you never came...
I try to pretend that you are just a dream...
A dream that came to my hungry heart...
A dream that vanish when I opened my eyes...
and I know,
deep inside my heart is screaming...
screaming for me to stop this...
my head telling me to move on...
my heart's ready to let you go...
and my head gladly scheming up the score...
and know that they know,
they want me to let you go...
they want me to ignore you...
coz they say, you're just making a fool out of me...
coz they say, people can see how fragile I am...
coz they say, I trust easily and people are taking advantage...
coz they say, I deserve better...
and I know I should have known,
that I feel like a fool...
for believing that my dreams would come true...
and now I'm starting to learn the truth...
even though I don't know the real truth...
but from my point of view...
you don't think I'm the white rose for you...

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

...and I know...

and you know that we're not gonna last

and you know that I have to leave you alone

and you know that I'll always love you so

and you know we shouldn't started it at all

and I wonder if we were meant for each other

and I wonder if we just defy destiny

and I wonder is it you that my heart's missing

and I know, now I'll never know

naraj©2011

xoxo ♥

...stuck on you...

when I step out from the house

I see you there standing shyly

when I walk out from the bus in front of that building

I see you with  your motorcycle smiling at me

when I walk pass hundreds of people

I caught your scent in the air

when I saw the calendar going on Tuesday

I missed you even more

when I look at my phone

hoping the message would be from you

when I saw green motorcycles passed me by

I'll be reminded of you

it hurts to be this way

it kills me just to caught the smell of your perfume

how I missed you so

and I wonder if you ever feel this way too

I missed your voice

I missed your laughter

I missed feeling safe in your arms

I wish to forget you

But you keep appearing in my mind

everything around me reminds me of you

and I hate you for that

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

....and that's where it all began...

and when I thought that

my heart is strong enough not to fall again

I try to let you in

and then I realize that I'm done

Coz once I opened that door

It's hard for me to control the flow

and I fall deeply

without even realizing it

and I thought that I could just have fun

I could just be in love

but now I want to make it last

and I couldn't let go

and like always

I'll be the one begging

I'll be the one hanging on a thread

and I'll be the one that are being left

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...a different side of me...

this blog has been gloomy lately...and most of it are poems like i guess...sorry guys..didnt realize it..haha..
ah well, I've decided to create a new blog..a much more brighter version I hope~ ;p
and maybe this will be much of my ramblings on positive thoughts...hehe..
 this is the different side of this blog..

Waiting For The Sun Shines by My Window

enjoy~ (n_n)

(credits to: Epicgames)

...just keep on...

I let you in

and I thought that maybe

you're the place where I finally 

can call home

But when the storm came

and the waves crash over us

I saw that home shattered

and I'm left picking up the pieces

Now I'm in the deepest depth

of the darkness that I thought has gone

when you gave me the light to walk with

but then you let it die and leave me crawling

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...i am...

I am fragile

but I am strong

I was raised, to always get back up

and I know I will always do

But I do,

I do miss you

I do need you

and I guess you never do

and it hurts

when I dreamed of you

when I dreamed of us

but realized you were not here by my side

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...could it be....

could it be

that you are just making excuse

that you are actually over me

and you are finding reasons to get it over with

and you don't want me to hate you

when I said I rather have you telling me that you fall out of love

you said you wouldn't do that

coz it will end up with me hating you

but what I hate the most is when it's true but you're too afraid to admit it too

have you ever thought that

sooner or later

I'll end up hating you

when you finally found someone new

when all that I have is the sand in my shoes

thinking that I was being a fooled

coz I'm the only one who didn't know the truth

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...there's something that need to be said...

I watched your face as you sleep

 thinking about how I don't want you to leave

baby, can't you see that this is where I belong

really wish we could go back to where it was

when everything falls apart

and I feel like the world is crashing at my feet

you make me feel beautiful when I'm a mess

and I never thought that we'd have the last kiss and end like this

now I feel you forget me like I used to feel your heartbeat

and I don't know how to be someone you'd miss

I'm standing in the rain knowing that it's really over

flooded with all these pain knowing that I would never hold you again

I wish you'd tell me that you don't want me to go

when you're in my world, I am alive

You're all that I need to survive

You were the best that ever happen to my heart and to my soul

I'm lost here in this moment

and time keeps slipping by

and if I could have just one wish

I'd have you by my side

I love you more than I did before

and then today I don't see your face

nothing's changed, no one can take your place

it gets harder everyday

I try to live without you

but tears fall from my eyes

I'm alone and I feel empty

God, I'm torn apart inside

Please stay, say that you'd stay

I never want to lose you even if I have to choose

You're the one that I hold on to

Coz my heart would stop without you

naraj©11

XOXO ♥

...The Best I Ever Had...

I can be tough, I can be independent

I'm okay being by myself

But when you came

My walls just crumble down

Never thought that we'd fall this fast

Never thought you'd be the one

In your arms is where I feel safe
Beside you is where I feel calm

All the years of not knowing who you are
Never imagine that you'd be the one to hold my heart
Never crossed my mind that there would be a time
For us to say goodbye

I never want to let you go
Coz you are the best I ever had
it was magical and everything I ever waited for
and I loved you so

We are awesome together
you told me so
but we have to let this go
and I have to leave you alone

Our last day together bring tears to my eyes
but with you around I just keep on laughing
wonder if I'd be strong enough to pretend
that my love for you has fade away

I'll miss your hug and kisses
I'll miss the way you look me in the eye with your brown eyes
I'll miss how peaceful and happy I am in your arms
I'll miss how you would sing your heart out for me

I don't feel like going home
coz this is how I feel
and I don't want to let you go coz you have my soul
and it feels so right just to be by your side

make this a song for you and me
create a beautiful melody just for me
so it could be our memory
of when it's just you and me

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...Arms...

Christina Perri - Arms

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
You came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms me and I'm home

How many times will let you me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close...

You put your arms around me and I'm home...

p/s: another great lyrics and song from Christina Perri that really feels like it reads my mind~ ;p

xoxo ♥

...Please don't go....

It started with a playful tease
and I gamble my heart in it
Never thought I'd lost it
Coz my heart remain with you

We went through it
I feel perfectly safe
In your arms is where I want to be
So please don't go

You're everything I wanted
After falling and stumbling all these while
I'm going to be selfish
Coz I don't ever want to let you go

Please tell me you feel the same
Please tell me we'll keep holding on
Tell me that we're going to get through this
Coz you are the best thing I ever had

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...reaching out...

the cold creeps slowly

into my body

and now its reaching my heart

when my hope seems completely lost

it feels like my dreams are gone

it feels like the sun thats been shining on me just fade away

and you feels like a dream to me

when the lights went out

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...unexpectedly...

and so you came

unexpectedly and sweetly

and little did I know

I've fall for you again

I'm confused and scared

coz its hard for me to open up my heart without a care

and this heart won't settle down

and now I'm scared of what you'll do

Never have I feel so happy

like you make me happy

feeling like I'm that little girl again

innocently in love with a guy she barely knew

maybe its a curse for me

for being too happy with you

now the storm have come unexpectedly

and I'm not ready to let you go

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...sometimes...

I just crave for something else

I just crave to write down my thoughts when i'm unable to

I just crave to sing a difficult song with high notes when I'm not supposed to

I just crave to be asleep in my bed when I'm busy

I just crave to eat anything I want with afraid of what it'll do to my body figure.. ;p

I just crave to have clear skin without my acne getting worse

I just crave to be with my family when I'm far away

I just crave to watch english literature midnight movie with daddy..again...oh how i wish!~

I just crave to be at the grave visiting daddy and talking to him

I just crave to have someone I can depend on and feel loved

I just crave for someone that doesn't even notice me

sometimes,

craving can makes your heart feel sore

naraj©11

XOXO ♥

...Jar of Heart...

addicted and falling deeply with these words and melody

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

No I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are 

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?  

(will be singing this song for a while till I found a new love song for my heart ☻)

XOXO ♥ 

...it's like...

walking around in this world of words

some words makes me smile

some words makes me think

some words makes me wanna be better

some words makes me laugh

and some words just can't be interpreted by my head

words can be interpreted differently by different people

in a different tone with a different meaning than what it supposed to convey

it's a tragedy really

now I'm rambling along the lines that i don't even know where it's going

your words, your playful promises

makes me smile and daydream, hoping it will be true

your words, your stories

makes my head ache, coz you're too complicated

naraj©11

xoxo ♥

...all i wished...

It's like I'm walking on air

sitting besides you laughing away

Don't know what are you thinking tonight

All I know is I'm glad to be here

The mischievous gleam in your eyes

reminds me of your sorrow

all i wish is you'd feel me here

with my hands on your shoulder

I never imagined that you'd forget

the promise for our graduation day

I'm still waiting for you to notice me

but it feels like you never look my way

naraj11©

XOXO ♥

..once in a blue moon...

once in a blue moon

you'll get to know people

that you never met before

and all you know is their voices

once in a blue moon

you'll get the chance to meet them again

after all of those lost years

you'll meet face to face

but then,

you didnt even realize it

or recognize them

and you start all over again

naraj©11

xoxo ♥