I Don't Wanna Live Forever

Been sittin' eyes wide open behind these four walls, hopin' you'll call

It's just a cruel existence like it's no point hopin' at all

Baby, baby, I feel crazy

Up all night, all night and every day

Give me somethin', oh, but you say nothin'

What is happenin' to me?

I don't wanna live forever

'Cause I know I'll be livin' in vain

And I don't wanna fit wherever

I just wanna keep callin' your name

Until you come back home

I'm sittin' eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

Baby, baby, I feel crazy

Up all night, all night and every day

I gave you something, but you gave me nothing

What is happening to me?

I've been looking sad in all the nicest places

I see you around in all these empty faces

Up all night, all night and every day

I've been looking sad in all the nicest places

Give me somethin', oh, but you say nothin'

Now I'm in a cab, I tell him where your place is

What is happenin' to me?

Clean

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
It was months, and months of back and forth
You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

Hung my head as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

There was nothing left to do
When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room
So I punched a hole in the roof
Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean
I think I am finally clean
Said I think I am finally clean

10 months sober, I must admit
Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it
10 months older, I won't give in
Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you
I think I am finally clean
Finally clean
Think I'm finally clean
Think I'm finally clean

Bad Blood

Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look at what you've done

Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And  now we got bad blood

Did you have to do this?

I was thinking that you could be trusted
Did you have to ruin what was shining now it's all rusted
Did you have to hit me?
Where I'm weak , I couldn't breathe
And rub it in so deep
Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me
Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times
You and I

Did you think we'd be fine?
Still got scars on my back from your knife
So don't think it's in the past
These kind of wounds they last and they last
Now did you think it all through?
All these things will catch up to you
And time can heal but this won't
So if your coming my way, just don't

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
If you live like that, you live with ghosts
Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
If you love like that, blood runs cold

All You Had To Do Was Stay

People like you always want back the love they gave away
And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed
The more I think about it now the less I know
All I know is that you drove us off the road

Stay
Hey, all you had to do was stay
Had me in the palm of your hand
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
Stay,  now you say you want it back 
Now that it's just too late
Well, it could've been easy
All you had to do was stay

Here you are now, calling me up, but I don't know what to say
I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made
People like you always want back the love they pushed aside
But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye


Let me remind
You this was what you wanted
You ended it
You were all I wanted
But not like this
Not like this
Oh, all you had to do was stay

Hey, all you had to do was stay
Had me in the palm of your hand
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
Stay, hey, now you say you want it back 
Now that it's just too late
Well, it could've been easy
All you had to do was stay

I was wrong

I'm not the type who easily get in a relationship.
Coz I know that I'm the kind of person who is very loyal and its hard for me to let go once I make myself to promised to never leave.
Yes, I know, its easy for me to fall.
But for me to commit,it will take time unless I believed that it was for real.
I get hurt easily.
I've been hurt my whole life.
and all I want is to feel loved and not hurt anymore.

I used to make an exception to this one guy.
The reason for me to easily excepting him in my life?
easy... he was hurt by someone he loved before, he said he was betrayed by that someone.
and I believed that, he used to felts how it is to be betrayed, how it is to be hurt by people you loved..so he won't do the same thing to me.
Boy, was I wrong...
I was sooooooo wrong...

Knowing he used to be hurt,
he make me promised, which i always kept what i promised (insya-Allah)
he make me promised that i would never leave him
he make me promised that if one day, i fall out of love from him i would tell him directly
I would let him know so that we wont hurt each other by betraying the trust
he make me promised that this would last
he make me promised a lot

and you know what,
in the end, he broke all those promises he make me promised to him
and why?
because he never promised me the same thing
because I trusted him to keep the same promised that he make me do
because I believed in him to never hurt me
because he never had any promised he had to hold on to
because I never make him promised me anything but happiness and adventures ad being there for each other

he used to say that I was clingy
earlier stage, he used to message me every morning, early in the morning
then he stops abruptly
so i started messaging him instead, early in the morning to give back the feeling he used to give me when receiving those messages
and in one of those messages i used to say "I missed those early messages you used to sent to me"
and those things i said, are being used against me
he told me I was being clingy and childish
he told me I was being unreasonable
and he started getting annoyed and angry easily towards me
when all I did was just letting him know how much I missed that
and his presence
for me, being in a long distance relationship have gave both of us so much space between each other..
and yet, he told me he needed space  -_____-
(What??!!! *do it in Taylor Swift style in her song "We are never getting back together" LOL)

he started being distant...
less communication...
easily annoyed even by the littlest thing i've done, like asking him if he is okay a couple times in one conversation...( like hello!! i was concern about you a******! -__-)
and me being positive keep thinking,
maybe he was stressed at home and due to his current condition that time
so i try my best to make him feel less stressed
I keep saying sorry for things I never should
I keep holding myself back coz I was scared that he would get mad at me
I keep surpressing my own emotions
i tried every thing to make him happy
to the point that I bought him plane tickets to see me
plane tickets for him to go out from this state
and all with the thoughts of making him less stress and happy
with the intention of being someone who can be there for him when he feel down

but i was wrong
i was unappreciated
turns out he was just making excuses for himself
excuses to avoid him from saying how he didnt love me anymore
excuses to make me feel like i was never good enough
excuses that makes me feel like I was the worst person who's dragging him to hell
more and more excuses
while I keep beg and beg and beg
rejection after rejection
I finally gave it up
and thats when he finally shows the real reason
another girl...
he happily flaunt around proudly
using the same old words he used to sent me
saying that we are the angels he falls for
and i bet, he gave her 'The Moon Song' that i have found and gave it to him during our days
a song about being in a long distance relationship

and i know i was wrong
for telling people what he did to me
for letting people know how he hurt me
but I'm keeping this to remind me
to make me remember
that love in this world will never be real enough
this world is just an illusions
sweet words can just be mention anytime
promises can be flaunt around without keeping it
and that talk about marriage? 
anyone can promise you they will marry you
anyone can come and meet your family and giving them hope before they crush it down
and I thought that the word marriage was a sacred thing
that people wont just say it out unless they meant it
and again
I was wrong
I was so wrong

and I learnt...


-naraj2014-