dreams

my memories are so vivid
but you dissappeared like a smoke
sometimes i'm confused
whether its a dream or reality

i almost lost my mind
running around waiting for you
screaming around hoping for you
crying around wanting for you

sometimes i wish it was a dream
so i can wake up from the nightmare
so i can rewrite the happy ending
so i can ignore all the pain

~naraj2014~

How to say goodbye...

How are we at the end, am I ready
baby tell me why you run
Go ahead, once again that you're sorry
I know we're already done

This happens every time. You're already out of sight.
Where did we go wrong and how'd we end up
Take a breath, take it in, I am falling
You taught me how to fall in love

wasting all this time
if there's anything you learn from lies
it's how to say goodbye
when did you let go to keep me hanging
waiting for a sign

if there's something I saw in your eyes
it's how to say goodbye

the blade is touching on the bone
love is all that I have but it's sinking
crying out to be alone
this happens every time
you're already out of sight
and you taught me how to leave it behind

Falling to nothingness...

Exhausted
I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Broke down every night and somehow become my lullaby
Broke down every morning after everyone leave the house

I'm falling apart
More and more each day
my heart, my hope, my love
I dont know if i could carry on this way

Now i dreaded
going to that place
the place where I might see you
Your face in the crowd
Afraid that I would be broken beyond saving
seeing the face that I love so much
that i missed so much
but beyond my reach

I never want to give up
coz this is more than just a fleeting feelings for me
i dreamt of forever
but you let go easily

I dread the day i see you
might be the day when i will be into pieces
i know i wont die
but i also know, i wont be the same
i feel the lights are slowly dying
the darkness starts creeping in
what i was once,
will only be the shell that held me in

-naraj2014-

What If

Don't speak, I can't believe
This is here happening
Our situation isn't right
Get real, who you playing with?
I never thought he'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side

When you say that you want me
I just don't believe it
You're always ready to give up
Whenever I turn around

What if I need you baby?
Would you even try to save me?
Or would you find some lame excuse
To never be true
What if I said I loved you?
Would you be the one to run to?
Or would you watch me walk away
Without a fight

I'm so sick of worrying
That you're gonna quit over anything
I could trip and you'd let go like that
And everything that we ever were
Seems to fade but not the hurt
Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

Every time I speak you try to stop me
Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say you're noticing but you never see
This is who I really am, that you can't believe
Makes me want to know right now
If it's me you'll live without
Or would you change your mind
What if I need you?

where i stood

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

Time...

healing takes time
thats what people keep saying

i deserves better
believe me, i got tired hearing those words
especially from the people who left me

am I that easy to be replaced?
am I that boring that people keep leaving me?
am I not worth the truth by telling me that there's no more love for me instead of lying and telling me i deserves better?
am I?

moving on,
sounds easy for some people
but thats not me
i'm not the kind who gave my heart away
and able to just walk away easily

isn't there anyone who knows how to hold my heart?
is it that hard?
all i want is time
is it so hard?
unless people only keep wanting me as their trophies
as some sort of conquest

i'm tired
i dont think my heart can take it anymore
and this last one,
its the worst
coz i love him more than he deserves

imagine this
waking up everyday
trying to keep your chin up
and put on a brave face
when inside
your heart keeps breaking
knowing that
you have been forgotten by that person you love
and somehow
they dont even care anymore for you
and even degrade you in front of people
and being a jerk to you
and yet
you still cant stop loving
all you do is
fighting the urge to call them
the urge to contact them
to tell them how much you missed them
but you cant
because they are not yours anymore
not even yours to begin with

it hurts
it really does
it still is

broken...
naraj2014

bleeding...

Hurts

Never felt this kind of hurt before
My heart breaks everywhere i turned
all the places, all the faces

I live my life with him in every thoughts
with him in every decision
with him as the person i talk about
I've arrange my world to revolved with him besides me
the presents, the future...all with him next to me

his smell, began to fade
but his smile, his laugh, his voice
still stuck in my head
it hurts
when you love someone so much but you have to let go
it hurts
when you love someone but their love for you have fade away
it hurts
coz i still love him no matter what
it hurts
even when he betray me and i still love him
it hurts
when i was still in love but he moved on easily
it hurts
and all i want to do was to lay down and cry

love is not something i give in easily
and when i do, i will fight till i become numb enough to move on
i love with all that i have
and i love him too much to hate him

i cried to every song that we love
i cried to every movie that we used to talk about
i cried to every moments that we used to share
i cried to every picture that we had together
for every little thing...all i did was cry

my heart still bleeds
and it's unstoppable
i need him
all i wish is that he need me too

naraj2014