Things

There's a lot of things I want to share
There's a lot of things I want to talk about
There's a lot of decision I want to make with you
There's a lot of questions I want to ask from you

But I kept it inside
Letting it died and grow mold in my heart
Letting it rot and eating me inside
Because I feel like you dont even care anymore

You're too busy with your life
Too busy to even say hi
Too busy but not for your social life
Too busy for me but not for anyone else

I was kept in the dark
I was kept not knowing where you are
Or what you are working on
I was kept aside, not to be seen
I was just collecting dust in your heart
Where I was forgotten until you feel lonely

Who am I? Nothing to you
Where do I stand? Obviously no where near you

-naraj2017-

Its All on Me

Somehow i knew it was my fault.. It was my fault for letting you in. It was my fault for letting you stay.. It was my fault for letting you breaks my heart and my soul.. It was my fault for wanting your company and your attention.. It was my fault for always needing you to be presence.. It was my fault for loving you so deeply, that i destroys me.. It was my fault for letting you lie to me again and again.. It was my fault for thinking that you could only have eyes on me.. It was my fault that i would never be good enough for you.. It was my fault for feeling like i am never enough for you when you keep looking at other perfect girls and saying how much you want them.. It was my fault for thinking that you would want to marry me.. It was my fault thinking that you are matured beyond your age, which you are at the beginning.. It was my fault for thinking that you will always be that way.. It was my fault for letting you hold me back again and again.. It was my fault for thinking that you might love me as much as i did to you. It was my fault for hoping that this was my happily ever after.. It was my fault that i'm draining myself to become this lifeless and toxic person.. It was my fault for not being strong enough to get back to who i used to be.. It was my fault for not able to stay strong despite my surroundings.. I was not who i was 3 years ago..and it was my fault for letting me destroy myself when i feel like i was never enough for you..

~Naraj 2017©~

Not Enough

Have you really ever been in love? Like being devoted to that one person only, while your eyes and your heart went blind to the rest of the world?

I did. Always did.

But when the person that you devote your life and your time with, doesn't feel that they need to go that extra mile for you. Like they still look at other girls and messaging them ( like saying how much u love them or you missed them, or wish u could see them) or tweeting them (like saying to other girl who doesnt even know you to 'be mine') for the sake of just having fun (thats the reason that they would give). And I was not cool enough to understand that it was nothing and just being silly for being hurt by that 'nothing' that they describe. 

Well, after committing my time and being devoted to only them, that behavior that they do, it makes me feel like i was never enough for them. And it kept me thinking as well, are they ready for a commitment with this kind of behavior?

I dont think so too.

Talk

I reached for you,
But you were gone
Life's never been worse but never been better

I've been picking up the pieces that you left behind
Let me remind you that this is what you wanted
You ended it
You were all I wanted
But not like this

This love left a permanent mark
I fell to my knees
But it meant nothing to you
You never turn back as you leave
What kind of heart that never look back?

You filled up my glass,
with promises that can never last
And all the things that we once said
are not in my heart, they're in my head

You were a moment in my life that comes and goes
A riddle a rhyme that no one knows
A change in the heart, a twist of fate

So I learned to be okay with just me
and I'll be fine on the outside
and I'm doing fine on the inside so far
But life was never as it seems
Just like a faded memory
I'll remember I am not alone

Notice

I'm still dancing
Now we're burning
The heat was rising
And now we're breathing more and more

And I'm still trying
I'm not tired just yet
My eyes are drying
I never dream that you forget

In my room there was doubt
Now no words can come out
We were friends, we had heat
Now I choke when you speak
Because you never notice me
Because you never notice me

Can you see me now
Can you hear me shout
When I'm dancing through the fear

Will you catch my fall
Do you know me at all
It's like you never notice me
It's like you never notice me

Notice me

how can I?

tears stream, down your face,when you lost something you cannot replace-Coldplay 'Fix You'-

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot have each other
Must be strong and must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Cannot dream, cannot share, sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel, how we feel, must pretend it's over
Must be brave and must go on
Must not say what we've known all alone

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

the way i loved you

Everything's cool

It's all gonna be okay

And I know,

Maybe I'll even laugh about it someday

But not today, no

Cause I don't feel so good

I'm tangled up inside

My heart is on my sleeve

Tomorrow is a mystery to me

Letting you go is

Making me feel so cold

And I've been trying to make

Believe it doesn't hurt

But that makes it worse

See, I'm a wreck inside

My tongue is tied and my

Whole body feels so weak

The future may be all I really need

Like a first love,

The one and only true love

Wasn't it written all over my face

I loved you like you loved me

Like something pure and holy

Like something that can never be replaced

And it was wonderful,

It was magical,

It was everything I've waited for,

A miracle

And if I should ever fall in love again

With someone new

Oh, It could never be the way

No, It will never be the way

I loved you

dreams

my memories are so vivid
but you dissappeared like a smoke
sometimes i'm confused
whether its a dream or reality

i almost lost my mind
running around waiting for you
screaming around hoping for you
crying around wanting for you

sometimes i wish it was a dream
so i can wake up from the nightmare
so i can rewrite the happy ending
so i can ignore all the pain

~naraj2014~