the perfect imperfection

I was ready

I was always ready

To settle down

To find the one

People around me knows

That i'm a perfect wife material

I can cooked different types of food

I am good at taking care of children

I am excellent with the elders

I can be neat and clean

I do house chores all the time

They said it was enough

And i was perfect coz i was pretty too

Coz they only see the side of me that i choose to show

But despite all that

Preparing myself since i was young for someone special

Trying to be the perfect daughter and perfect sister

My time was spent for others

To make them happy even when i'm not

To fulfilled their every request no matter how drained i am

I forgot to learn how to love myself

I forgot on how to make myself happy

I forgot that, i am more important than anyone else

And i learned that lesson the hard way

I learned self love very late in life

I was drowning in my depression

Barely keeping my head above the water

Where i prayed to God to keep me sane

When i realized i need to be selfish for once

Selfish enough for my own soul to recover

Selfish enough for me to feel loved by myself

For me to spend more time just for me

And learn to be okay with imperfection

Because, i am just human after all

And human learns from mistakes

I am showing a good example just by revealing my weakest state

To show them that, no matter how dark it seems

You can always get back up

Coz there is always a silver lining at the end of the tunnel

As long as you learn how to love yourself

And know how to save yourself

And to know that, the special one, 

should be yourself not someone else

-naraj2020-