Loose

Dearly Beloved,

I dont know if we are going to make it through this time around. But I really do love you with all my heart. And if i'm letting us go, please know that the decision is really killing me.

I know you are a good guy. I know you have the potentials to be a great man someday. If you learn to ditch your bad habits, which I always nagged you about. But I guess, you never really listen to me anymore.

Just so you know, Action speaks louder than Words. Plus, when you keep flaunting that love words around, it doesnt have any special meaning anymore. I dont even know the different between your love for me and your love that you told to those other girls. I dont even know which is real anymore. 

You need to learn some few things if you want any of your future relationship to last. 
Firstly, learn to be 'amanah' with all the things that you said and plan out, in other words, learn to meant every words you said and dont get people hope up for nothing (that is just plain cruel and not funny). Dont simply said and promised people something then you just decide to forget about it. Try your best to fulfilled every words you said, if you couldnt, then let the person knows in advance not on the very same day you promised them or worse, not letting them know at all and just keep hoping. That hurts you know.

Secondly, learn and understand what loyal, faithful, devoted and committed really means. When you claim you are being loyal and faithful, it means you won't go around messaging any other random or unknown girls behind her back. Even if it was just for fun in your point of view, but that is already considered as not being faithful. When someone is committed and faithful to you, they dont even bother to look for other people just to be funny or just to joke around. A faithful person will only focus on the person they fall in love with and focus on them alone and ignoring all other people (unless, its your friends who needs your help in a good way..not just out of being bored, you have your girlfriend for that). 

Thirdly, learn to not make fun of others misfortune. Especially if what they were was given by God. Like limping legs, or imperfect mouth. For you its just for fun and laughing behind their back is okay. But remember, you are laughing at God's creation and gifts. And everytime you want to make fun of people, even to just joke around, replay your words or what you would say inside your head, and imagine those words are being said towards you. Usually, after you done those things, I would asked you that question, imagine that someone else said that exact same words to you. Your answer is always, that you would get angry and punch that person face or something. Even if that is just for fun, you yourself would get angry or sad. Do you think that person that you talked about dont have the same feelings too?

Lastly, learn to control your lust or atleast remove yourself from that group of friends thats always sharing you those indecent pictures and videos. Its not helping you in controlling your own lust if you keep on seeing those stuff and even worse when your circle of friends are spreading it around and not helping you in stopping it. It doesnt do you any good. And those kind of things doesnt make you look cool at all. And much worse, when your friends knows that you have a girlfriend but you enjoy those kind of things and engaged in talking about those thing, your friends wont even say it to your face, but behind you, they would say how pity your girlfriend is for not knowing what you are doing behind her back. And that my love, is the same thing as disrespecting your relationship and your girlfriend as well. 

You always said that I think too much and too deep or too far. Yes, I do. Because I am thinking about my future. I know what I want in a relationship and I know what I need. I am thinking further in marriage sense, because I've heard all the sad stories of a 5 years marriage, a 10 years marriage, a 20 years marriage that are becoming dull because of what the husband did and how the husband began to take things for granted. I dont want that kind of life or marriage. That scares me, and thats why i'm thinking in advance of everything. Heart change, people change.

If only in a year, you have start to take things for granted and began to be unfaithful towards me, its a nightmare for me thinking that this would keep happening my whole life being married with you. Being brokenhearted day by day. This is not something I can do anymore. It exhaust me. And I am not strong enough to be who I am anymore. I have turn to be a toxic person to our relationship, with all my insecurities and trust issues.

Maybe I was not meant to be your forever. Maybe we are just lesson for each other.
But I do love you and devoted to you with all my heart that I dont even know if there's anyone else is out there for me. But this is the limit that I could take.




An exhausted and broken me,
naraj2017

Proved You Wrong

Cold as ice, your words cut like knives
I deserve a prize, for sticking around this long

I’m nothing without you
And no one loves me like you do
Always left me feeling black and blue
Well this can go on and on and on


But I hey I’m breaking free just watch me walk away
Had your hooks in me but I escaped
I don’t need excuses
Done with your abuses
Telling me that I’m not strong baby
Hey just listen to the song cause
I proved you wrong


It’s easier letting go of us
Said I didn’t even have the guts
Yeah, here I am backing up
I’m taking my heart back cause I’ve had enough


Hey I’m done with you and all the lies you made
You were such a mistake

Here I am...Wasted

I'll protect you, don't be scared
No matter what, I will be there
I'll be gentle, I'll be light
These are the words you whispered in the night

Now I'm standing in the cold

Everything is said and done

Atomic winter in my soul

From the absence of the sun

My loneliness was a rattle in the windows

You said you don't want me anymore

And you left me

Standing on a corner crying,

Feeling like a fool for trying

I wish I could erase our memory

'Cause you didn't give a damn about me

The only remedy I know

Is I gotta let you go

But where were you when I was scared

A broken promise left me here

you say : "I'm sorry"

but I know you're not

I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind

What you did, boy, I'll never forget

There will come a day when all of this is in my past

And there will come a day when you're out of my head at last

I'm trying not to fall

Damn it's such a long way down

But here I am

Laying down on the bathroom floor

Finally I'm through

Wasting all these tears on you

Ghost of Me

Some days, I feel my heart was as light as feathers
Some days, I feel like i can barely breathe
Some days, I know I still love you but I'm letting this go
Some days, I know I miss you but I couldnt let you know
Some days, I wonder how did we end up like this?
Some days, I wonder where did I went wrong?
Some days, I miss the you that used to shower me with love
Some days, I hate the you that keeping me away
Some days, all I feel that I want to do is lie down and cry
Some days, all I need is someone to comfort me

But most of the days,
not a single tears ever missed going down from this eyes
not a single seconds ever went without you in my mind

My heart have been closed for so many years
but with you, I've opened up and become fragile
Trusting that finally it wont break
trusting that finally someone wont let it go
trusting that finally i found you

But I was wrong
and now I was broken in more ways than I ever did
I was shattered to the point where there is no more left to break
I was finally an empty shell of human
filled up by the ghost of me


-naraj2014-

...the last time...

You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before,
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,
Just for you to go again,
Disappear when you come back,
Everything is better.

When right before your eyes,
I’m aching, run fast,
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me…

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye...

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore.