Keeping Cool

I'm good.

Thats what i keep telling myself

I'm cool.

Thats what i keep telling people around me

I'm okay.

Thats what i keep saying to him

It was expected. 

I keep trying to make myself believe

It wasnt that deep

To keep me stuck in the labyrinth

Its a good ending

Of an almost beginning

I try to keep it cool

Smilling and joking

Trying to make you feel at ease

Trying to make it less burden to you

Trying to make it seem like 

i'm a better and wise person

Like someone who is more mature than you

Trying to show that it doesnt affect me much

Trying to show you my cool side

Trying to remember the good feeling

Trying to memorized the beautiful day

Where you make me feel the giddiness of a young girl in love

That innocent feeling that i always wished for

Of not trying to be anything but my weird self

Enjoying the childish things that we both love

Without any judgement

I'm trying to ignore

That it was the ending

Trying to ignore that nothing is going to be

And just keep enjoying your presence next to me

Not knowing if i'm able to move on

Not knowing if i'm able to find another like you

A beautiful mind with a beautiful heart

Not realizing how precious you are

For someone with a hopeless romantic heart like me

But you are what I ever wanted if i had a choice before

You are that almost perfect someone

Someone who screams true love in everything you do

Before my view of love was distorted

But it was too late

When we cant even begin

-naraj2020-

The first and the last

This was the first time for me

To pursue someone instead of being pursued

The first time for me

To daringly saying it out loud

The first time for me

To ever feel that way again

The first time for me

To be rejected

At this age

Where i feel like nothing matters anymore

To feel something again

Was a beautiful serendipity

But maybe to be able to experience it

Only will happen in another life

But i was glad

To know such a gentleman as you

The way you handle it

Was beyond anything i'd ever imagine

This might be the last for me

To fall for such a beautiful mind

To encounter something as beautiful as this

But i am glad

To see through it

Maybe this is the last time

For me to feel like this

Maybe this will be the last time

I do something as silly as this

Maybe this is the last time

For once in this life time

-naraj2020-

This time

My heart was beating again

Falling again

But this time, it was different

This time, 

I dont wish for a happy ending

This time, 

I dont wish for a forever after

This time, 

I only want something simple

This time, 

I only wish for that simple happiness

This time, 

I just want to walk it through the day

This time, 

I dont want to think or plan about the future

This time, 

I just wish to grow together with him

Learn along with him

Show him that some love is worth it

Show him that anything is possible

Show him that age is just a number

This time, 

I wont be selfish and just let him be free

This time, 

I dont mind being left behind

-naraj2020-

Fall

Your smile as brightful as the sun

Younger for a decade but you make me feel small

Your mature ways and gentle words

The vision of you always makes me feel happier

Your patience in teaching me

Your 'it's okay, just go slowly'

Your cool side everytime you swing your blade

Your tall figure and athletic body

Something is changing in my heart

From the day that I hit you hard

Unsure of myself and the way you feel

But i know that, this feeling is something that i missed alot

And you brought it out from me

After 3 years of putting up a thick hard wall

And losing faith in this thing call love

I just want to say thank you

For opening my dear heart

Even if we will never be anything other

But i know that its capable of beating again

After i found you

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
Cause I like you

-naraj2020-

Dear Aaron

Dear Aaron,
You were my dreams come true
Tall with that handsome japanese face
You soft spoken words and that cute little shy smile
You played guitar in the band
You got the brain and the looks
When you taught me on my chemistry

Our heart clicked on the first encounter
My mind was telling me that you are the one
And you told me years later that you felt the same too
The way you shyly hold my hands when i was sleeping in the bus
The way you treat me like i was special
The way you keep telling me that i am the perfect one for you

But then you go and broke my heart
Saying that you wanted more but you couldn't
Saying that our difference in religion is getting in the way
Saying that you want us to be just like this
I can't seem to move on to be just this
I want it all or nothing at all

You keep comparing other girls to me
Just to find that no one is nearly as perfect as i am to you
You keep saying that we would be an awesome match
I keep finding ways to destroy my perfect image in you
I keep finding ways to make you hate me enough not to find me again
Because i would be helpless everytime you came knocking back again

Because you were the first one that my heart have whispered to me
When i look at you for the first time
On our english camp
'he's the one. This is him'
And i never look away even when you keep breaking my heart into pieces

One day, i hope soon
I'll have another whisper in my heart telling me that i finally find the one
That someone will treat me like you always did
Like i was special
Like i was the best out there
Like no one can be compared to me
And that day, i hope your name will finally be erased forever like the rest did

But now, your name sometimes appear in the middle of my thoughts
Thinking of your tall skinny body that looks good next to me
That pretty japanese looks of yours
And how softly you would call my name
Sometimes i used to think about us
If we could have more than this
If i haven't make you hate me like this
If you were mine

But now,
All i think about is, if there will be another this
Another whisper
Another tall handsome face that would love me for me
Like you used to