pack up

everything thats happen
all the bad things
all the sad things
all the heartbreaking thing
at the end of the day
pack it up well
secure it tightly
and throw it into the pandora box

the smile maybe deceiving
the cheerfulness maybe alluring
its all just a mindset
to keep you on your feet
to stay on the solid ground
to save yourself from falling
deeper into the ground

the need to run
and let your heart beats fast
let your lungs strained
gasping for air
the exhiliration after the pain
makes you feel free and strong

and that is what i need...

...ibuprofen...

when you thought that it's over

suddenly it came back to haunt you

when you thought that it's in the past

they'll show up to remind you

when you thought that everything is gonna be alright

suddenly the sail broke into two

when you thought that this time you can endure it better

suddenly you feel helpless

sometimes the day feels so long

and night feels so restless

and you woke up feeling confused

about all the things your mind plays for you

prozac perhaps you could help

lithium perhaps you could fail

deranged maybe I am

but this mind seem to start losing itself in the maze

pains come and go

shaking hands and dysfunctional legs

losing breath is a routine

wonder what else is coming in

-naraj2012-

...so he says...

starts doodling again...
thanks to sharpie with the beautiful colours and fabric marker...
*yeay*

oh well, so instead of fixing my codes, i'm writing blog post...lol
the office is so quite as lots of people are taking their leave considering yesterday was public holiday and today is friday...so alang2 one... =_=

and so, mr brain told me that instead of the poem-like post, maybe i should doodle everything..
hahaha...dont think i'm dat good enough..huhu.. T_T

and yes ahjussi....mr brain is you...hahaha..i know u're reading it again..and thank you for the comments.. :P
i'll consider it...

but writing is my forte rather than doodling like you... hey, maybe your new blog should be like Jian Goh dude or Boey's blog..hehe..its adorable..

xoxo ♥

...mr brain...

...learn...

...the last time...

You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before,
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,
Just for you to go again,
Disappear when you come back,
Everything is better.

When right before your eyes,
I’m aching, run fast,
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me…

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye...

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore.

...sad beautiful tragic...

Long handwritten note 

deep in your pocket
Words, 

how little they mean when you're a little too late
I stood right by the tracks,

 your face in a locket
Good girls, hopeful they'll be 

and long they will wait

We had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

In dreams I meet you in warm conversation
We both wake in lonely beds different cities
And time is taking its sweet time erasing you
And you've got your demons, and darling, they all look like me

'Cause we had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
Silence, this train runs off its tracks
Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?
Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can't get back
What we had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

...silence...

its funny
looking back at the past
how after all those years without anyone
residing in that corner of my heart
i felt as if i've grown and know better
of what a fool that i've been
and i'm feeling invisible by thinking i am strong enough
to be indipendent
to be my own self
to be alone
and how silly it is
in just a day
all those lessons that i've learnt
are of no use to me the moment you hold ny hands
i told myself over and over again
i dont wanna be where we were before
and yet here we are again
and this time its hard for me to walk away

these hope is treacherous
these daydream is dangerous

...and then you kissed me...

Man I’ve had a few
But they wouldn’t quite blow me like you
You gave me your name and sight
With a halo around my eye
And it hits me like never before
That love is a powerful force
Yes it struck me that love is as bored
So I pushed you a little bit more

Love, you’re news to me
You’re a little bit more then I thought you’d be
A mow in my well fed lawn
You’re a nightmare beating the dawn
Oh it hits me like never before
That love is a powerful force
Yes it struck me that love is a sport
So I pushed you a little bit more

Blue, blue, black and blue
Red blood sticks like glue
True love is cruel love
Red blood say power fuel
Sweet love tasty blood
My heart overfloods

Oh you hit me
Yeah you hit me really hard
Man you hit me
Yeah you hit me right in the heart
Lord I’ve had my deal
But I never quite knew how it feels
When love makes you wake up soar
With fists that are ready for more

And it hits me that love is a game
Like in war no one can be blamed
Yes it struck me that love is a sport
So I pushed you a little bit more

Blue, blue, black and blue
Red blood sticks like glue
True love is cruel love
Red blood say power fuel
Sweet love tasty blood
My heart overfloods

Man you hit me
Yeah you hit me really hard
Baby you hit me
Yeah you punched me right in the heart
And then you kissed me
And then you hit me

Oh you hold me with your violent heartbeat at night
Oh you strike me with your silence baby tonight
Why you hold me with your violence baby come hit me
You hold me with your violent heartbeat

...i dont know...

this head keep thinking
keep wishing that you'd still care
keep hoping that you'd stay
despite all the the pushing you away

this heart still misses you
still craving your presence next to me
wishing for something that I shouldn't be wishing for
wishing for the moment when you wish the time would stop

but my heart
wished for things to be like it used to
wished for times when I don't even care
wished for the days when my heart is not affected at all

its tiring
its taking a toll on me
the hurt when you don't seem like you care
the pain when i remembered that morning message she sent to you

stand still...and look pretty

sometimes i just want to paint up my face
and pretend that i am someone else
sometimes i get so fed up
i dont wanna look at myself

but people have problems that are worse than mine
i dont want you to think that i'm complaining all the time
i wish that everyone would go and shut their mouth
i'm not strong enough to deal with it

i am slowly falling apart
i wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
you think its easy being me
you just stand still and look pretty

sometimes i find myself
shaking in the middle of the night
then it hits me
and i cant believe this is my life

thoughts...in case...

i'm the kind of girl who loves to do things spontaneously
i'm the kind of girl who loves to live in the moment
i'm the kind of girl who loves unconditionally
i'm the kind of girl whose head keep running overtime thinking
i'm the kind of girl who are clumsy enough to drop things or myself
i'm the kind of girl who gets a full phrase of poems-like words in a minute, but forgot all of it the next minute
i'm the kind of girl who loves to write my thoughts ever since i'm a lil kid
i'm the kind of girl that needs someone to remind myself who i really am
i'm the kind of girl who needs someone to protect her from herself coz she keeps getting into her own mess
i'm the kind of girl who needs to read and write her own thoughts to remember how she used to be
i'm the kind of girl who wear her heart on her sleeves and end up broken
i'm the kind of girl that my bestfriend would say as 'stupid' for thinking of others instead of myself
and to know who i really am...i need to keep writing it down
and read it incase i got lost and doesnt remember who am i before
to find a solid ground to step on when my worlds are falling apart
to make sure that i'm still alive to experienced all the emotion a human could feel
to know what pain, hurt, love, happiness and all the other emotions has built me into
to know that i am blessed for living this long to know the beautiful world and the beautiful people in it
to experienced love, betrayal, hatred, friendship...

i can be hateful and revengeful sometimes
but being an altruistic, i never get far with those feelings
coz in the end i would forgive...