....Thanks for Everything....

Always thought that I was alone

With only my friends surrounds me

Having fun in my own world

Until....

...8-my-ray-shen....

a writer once said, "Admiration is a curiosity"
and people usually admire what they really don't understand

We always love those who admire us,
we do not always love those whom we admire

So what is Admiration for you?
Is it possible that it can lead to love?
How does it started?
Can we escape it?

I'm scared of falling
Coz I couldn't open up my heart without a care
and when I care, I'm afraid of hurting
Coz my heart is fragile
Then I'll be miserable at best

Please don't be kind to me
Coz I might fall for it
Don't ever said you care if you dont mean it
Coz I might believe you
Dont just simply said those three words
Coz it means a lot to me

I might look like I'll be OK
But if you poached my heart
It'll take a while for me to really recover

Now I'm not sure if I'll be able to believe in love like before
And I'm afraid to take anyone's hand for a while
Not until I believe that that hand can really hold me tight
But all I know, feelings can fade
It might not be me, or maybe it might not be you
But I'm the person who will love with all my heart
So that I'll have no regrets if there is no tomorrow

If I fall, please dont catch me

-naRaj©2010-

....maybe....

Maybe
I'm better off on my own
The day that I set for myself is coming by
Yet I've found nothing for my soul

Maybe
I should give in to believing
Everything that I do seems useless
But I still can't stop

Maybe
I was devastated
But I won't stop trying
Coz the sun still shines for me

Maybe
I should just let everything fall
And start to pick up the pieces again
Slowly

Maybe
Somewhere out there
Everything I'm wishing for is waiting for me
All along

Maybe
I should believe in myself
Feel beautiful for me
No matter what people says

maybe...just maybe
I will finally come out
As a person I've longed for

-naraj©2010-

....I Tried...I really do....

Sometimes,
I tried so hard not to be mad
I tried so hard to be a good person
I tried so hard not to lose my temper
I tried so hard not to show the ugly side of me

Sometimes,
I envy the people around me
I tried to be confident like them
I tried to make myself comfortable in my own skin
I tried to look deeper into my own soul
I tried hard to be the person that I am

But still,
I feel like something missing
I feel like something is still not complete
I feel like craving for more
But I dont know what I'm looking for

-naraj©2010-

...Fragile...

Since i'm just daddy's little princess
I dont care much bout my appearance
i dont care what people say about me
But I do want to look beautiful
It's just I'm ashamed of doing it
as I feel that I'm far from beauty

As I grow, I keep listening to words that says how ugly I am
I keep getting ignorance from boys that I have crush on
I'm being invisible in the eyes of everyone else
Sometimes I wish I was beautiful and I always admires my friends around me that are far more beautiful than me

As I step into my high school...
Insecurity still a part of me
I keep distance from guys and only look at the person that I really like from a far
I try to be invisible as I try to ignore the teasing that suddenly came for me
I feel like I'm being fooled
I feel like no one would really like me and they just want to play around and tease me
and the only thing I'm good at is being mad at guys that tease me

I watched him from a far..I watched him everyday during school time
We watched him together and I missed that moment
I still feel ugly as he never look at me
and I feel like I didnt even exist in his world
Until he gave me his drawings...I fall deeper
and for 6 years, I put my hope on him..and rejected the rest

For the first time I went away from my family
Studying far from the comfort of home
and this is where I get the news that crushed me
He found the one he's looking for
I try to move on and live on being happy for him
and I found the one that makes my heart beats like no one ever did
making me feel for the first time, "He's the one"...by just the first meeting
I get on, being happy...feel like I'm falling to someplace I never know
Till he poached my heart, leaving me for his 1st love
The 1st time someone makes me feel like I wanna cry my heart out
and I guess, that's that..so much for my happy ending

Being me, sometimes I wonder
What will I look like if I watched how I live my own life in others shoes
I know someone did say that I'm a fool
for dreaming of a fairytale ending
but i never stop wishing

I still feel fragile being me
Some says I'm a dreamer
Some says I'm beautiful
Some says I'm cute
Some says I'm a good friend
Some says I'm just perfect
But no matter what people say and see me
I'm still fragile inside
I still need to get my confidence which is ZERO
Even if it's just a little thing like wearing my hair down
Or wearing a sweater/jacket in middle of the hot day
All I do is to hide myself from my insecurity

I may sound pessimist and says things about myself pessimisticly
but in my head, I'm my own great motivator that are very optimist
Though still, it's not enough to get rid of my fragility
Coz no matter what I'll always feel fragile

-naraj©2010-

~~~JalanKu~~~

Dulu, sering aku menyendiri
Mengangankan mimpi indahku sendiri
Hingga realiti membawanya pergi
tapi kini, aku masih ingin bermimpi
dan aku takkan membiarkan ia pergi

Dulu, sering aku terfikir
apa akan terjadi jika aku "pergi"
apa ada yang akan menangisi?
apa ada yang akan merindui?
apa ada yang akan menyesali?
Akan tetapi, aku mulai mengerti
Aku perlu tabah menghadapi

Dulu, sering aku tertanya-tanya
kenapa kehilangan seseorang boleh membuat kita hilang arah?
Kini aku mengerti, setelah perginya seseorang yang aku kasihi
dan aku makin mengerti pabila sahabatku juga,
satu persatu mulai pergi berjumpa dengan Ilahi
Gelak tawa, gurau senda, kata kasar, semua menjadi kenangan
Tiada lagi memori untuk dicipta bersama

Dulu, mungkin aku akan terus tenggelam
Hanyut dibawa perasaanku sendiri
Tapi kini, aku sedar
aku perlu tabah demi yang masih ada
Demi yang masih menyayangi, demi yang masih memahami
Demi yang masih merindui
Akanku tempuhi dan harungi kerana jalan ini
akan menjadikan siapa diriku nanti

-naraj©2010-