...what I've become...

it's 29/12/2010...who knew, a year just passed by...
this year started with lots of hope and excitement and good thing happening to me..I feel blessed..
with me continuing my degree and having all the approval from my family members...with Mr darcy by my side cheering me on when I'm down..with me trying to make the best of everything i can...
oh well, I'm not capable of handling where it might lead me..I'm only capable of marking the starting point...
getting new acquaintance, but slowly...I isolate myself from others for the 1st half year...i guess, things work out pretty good...
the next half year, i try to be more socialized with people around me...try to be nice with everyone and try to avoid any hatred-caused feeling or situation..but in the end, I manage to get myself into most of it..Bravo me!..hahhaa..oh well, I know I'm such a emphatic and altruistic person, and most of the time I'm being unfair to myself...when I caused some "problem" that makes some of my acquaintance feels mad at me, I didnt realize what I did...the thing is, when I did something, it was out of sincerity and sometimes I tease people just for fun...but who knows, in the end it backfired and caused this scene that I wish I never encounter...and the only solution that I could do for that moment is just to ignore everything and everyone...I know its bad...I know I should atleast apologize...my i guess, my pride was thinking that I didn't do anything wrong that I intend to, so it's not something I should be apologize for... Pride huh?!
i guess I've made a bad impression on myself..and i hate the girl I've became...I'm being too selfish this year...
maybe some of my friends said that I was not being selfish enough, but just bearing this feeling of guilt makes me feel rueful...

so, I want to apologize to all my friends for everything that I've done...some which I know I didnt realize..especially to my roommate, Miss S**** A**...To my classmates (eventho I didnt know whether you guys will be reading this or not), Mr L**** A****, Mr H**** F***, Mr H****, Mr Dindang (shoot! I forgot his real name..gomene~), Mr N*****, Mr H******, Mr S****, Miss A***** A***** and others that I might not mention here...

will be continued..

xoxo

...your eyes...

boy, you're so sweet

you shine so bright but you didn't even know it

your voice so beautiful it captivates me

and I'm enchanted to meet you

do you remember when you drive to my house

in the middle of the night

and your eyes looks like you're about to cry

and you told me the story that made my heart ache for you

you look at me with those sad teary eyes

they shows how sorrowful you are inside

you laugh and sing with me

but those eyes still haunting me

you feel like you're alone

i tried to be by your side to keep your smile

to free you from your despair

but you never realize that

you may think i did it out of sympathy

and your eyes just look right through me

but deep inside I wonder

do you even realize what I feel for you

i wish you'll realize

that I could be the one

that will free you from your misery

cause I was enchanted to meet you

you're like the star to me

shining brightly than anyone

and I wish that you knew

that I will be here for you always

please don't be in love with someone else

please don't leave me for another again

naraj10©

♥ XOXO ♥

...never meant...

no matter what you've put me through

I never hated you

I never blamed you

and I know I'm a fool

all I thought of you was

a beautiful memory when I was young

and soulmate that probably I've found

but I was wrong

If only you would just disappear

and never showed up

if only you showed up to say sorry

and just disappear

maybe I wouldn't hate you

like I do now

maybe I wouldn't hurt you

and make you feel abandon

I never thought of getting revenge

I never thought of hurting you

I never thought of doing what you thought I'd do to you

but you told me that that's what you thought I was doing to you

it's no use for me to straight it out for you

no use for me to say I didnt mean it

coz that's what you think of me

and I'll let you be

and maybe this will be

the last goodbye of you and me

coz I hate the way you think of me

and I hate being the girl that you want me to be..

naraj10©

♥ XOXO ♥

...that's all I'll ever be...

when you met someone

and you fall in love

you wish that it will be epic

and life changing

and when I met you

it's a beautiful thing for me

and I feel blessed

to have you for a while

but you got scared

and you leave me behind

and I'm trying hard to catch up with you

to prove to you that we can make it through

but now I realized

maybe I'm just the girl that'll make you realized

what love is all about

before you find the perfect girl for yourself

maybe I'm just the person

who will make you open your heart

when the right person comes

and you'll love her with all your heart

and now I realized

maybe it's time for me to move on

and keep loving with all my heart

even though it might kill me

coz all I'll ever be for you

was the girl who opened your heart

so you can accept anyone

but me

naraj10©

♥ xoxo ♥

still got sands in my shoe...

our town is small

and the road to our house is short

I always wonder why

why do I never see you anymore

it's not easy for me

driving through the road that we've been through

and I closed my eyes every time I go pass that shortcut road

that you bring me to

I just need a melody

to make this song that I wrote

hoping that one day

you might heard it and know how I felt

I feel like I didnt love you enough

to let you go just like that

and I wish I could turn back time

to the day we saw the fireflies

maybe its easy for you

just to forget what we've been through

and it's you who didn't believe

what we could have been

naraj10©

♥ XOXO ♥

...The Fear...

FEAR

what is fear for you?

definition in google:

an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight)

Wikipedia: Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.

some fear are obvious and you can see it and even feel it...

some fear, you just didnt realize it until you finally accept the truth about it...

some fear, would just make you petrified until you feel dumbfounded and unable to do anything at all to run or fight...

the fear I hadnt even realize I'm having till now...maybe thats the reason why I didnt care much about it...

I guess its because of the fear that I once experienced...

sooner or later I guess I need to face it...but not for now.. ;D

XOXO