*It's gnawing inside me slowly bleeding me out...turning into a tourniquet*

how can I stop it?
how can I let it pass just like before?
How can I cope with it?
For how long?

I've change, I know
I'm not in my zen anymore
I keep hurting myself
I keep pushing others away

It started out as a feeling
But I kept it inside
they tried to clawed out
causing me so much bleeding inside

i try to ignore the pain
but it keeps coming on and on again
I don't know if i can take it anymore
But I'll try to keep suppressing it back

Even though some of it have leak through
through the gush that they clawed through
Didn't realize where it began and where it ends
sometimes I forget to smile in order to be strong

naraj'2010

XOXO

...Split personality sometimes hurts...

This trailer looks awesome!!!
I can't wait to see it~~~
Somehow it seems mysterious and surreal...
extract:
A psychological thriller set in the world of New York City ballet, BLACK SWAN stars Natalie Portman as Nina, a featured dancer who finds herself locked in a web of competitive intrigue with a new rival at the company (Mila Kunis). BLACK SWAN takes a thrilling and at times terrifying journey through the psyche of a young ballerina whose starring role as the duplicitous swan queen turns out to be a part for which she becomes frighteningly perfect.

gemini and their split personality disorder...lol
not that I'm saying the character is a gemini..
but i guess as a gemini, I kinda into this kind of things
but I guess, mine are not that serious...of a split a mean~ :D

XOXO

...missing you...

Can't concentrate at all...

supposed to be doing my take home test on multimedia programming...

but instead...here am I~~~ =.=||||

Been dreaming a lot

Of the person that I missed so much

Keep dreaming that he's still here

with me and besides me

Still holding me

still protecting me

still making me feel special

and I miss being his little princess

the rueful feeling that i still felt

up till now I regret those days

been a while since I talk to him

and in the end, only able to kiss him goodbye

I couldnt believe it

I couldnt take the truth

But I try to be strong

Not just for me...but for everyone

Keep dreaming of a second chance

where I could ask for his forgiveness

where I could love him more and tell him that

where I could spent more time on his last days

If only I'd knew what I knew today

I hope I've been the daughter that you want me to be

I hope you're proud of me as you usually do

I hope I could hug you one last time

I miss you daddy~~~ :'(

naraj'10

...thanks for the lies...

you're the one I hold on to

you're the one I trust

you're the one that I look for in my blackest moment

and you're always there

you're the one that I hope for

someone that could always be there for me

you never said those words I longed for

but you did play around saying I'm yours

My hopes, my dreams...

Always thought we had a bond that no one can destroy

Eventhough we are far apart

I put my faith in you

Maybe happy endings are not meant for me

When I discover the truth about you and her

How you like her and confess to her

Eventhough she has someone else by her side

I was devastated

But then i feel relieved

Maybe I'm a masochist who loves to hurt myself

and I know, being with you can destroy me in the end

I still miss you

I left you without words

but I guess, I dont want to be that girl anymore

Someone who you could lie to

Maybe you dont want to hurt me

By telling how you loathe me

But I'd rather die than having your lies in me

Coz it kills me when I know that the two person that I trust is the one that betrayed me in the end

naraj'10©

XOXO

...meant to be sad...

You came as a beautiful serenade

The one that I barely forget

You're the inspiration of the beautiful melody in my heart

Since the first day that I saw you

Little did I know

The truth that makes me feel so alone
The beautiful song suddenly became a sad melody

that keeps playing in my head

I wish you would know

How you affect me so

But I guess it's something I shouldn't put my hopes on

And maybe, beautiful serenade are meant to be sad~~~

naraj'10 ©

XOXO

..the remedy to my soul...

Cocoa drinks!!!!!!

Since i felt so lost, i decided to try to ease the pain inside...which i have no idea how...

and fortunately, me and my friends was doing our storyboard on the application that we supposed to do...

and it's about chocolate!!!!!

Mabushiii!!!!

LOL~~~

so, otw back home, i decided to find some my fav cocoa powder and fortunately i did~~~

and i keep drinking it all this week...

and~~~

voila!!!~~~

my mood is better, my soul feels good~~~ and i get sugar rush~~~

hahahhahaa~~

can't seem to control myself~~

Oh well, i did self motivate myself a lot~

plus, keep reading some quotes that really makes me think a lot~~

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

-Maya Angelou-

so, I decided to change the situation I'm in and make the best out of it~~~

i guess i did lost myself for a while...

and now, I manage to find myself little by little...all by myself...

naraj10

XOXO

...Lost....

I feel so lost

and I try to keep putting up a facade

I just wanna go home

I dont feel like doing it anymore

All I wanna do is be at home with my loved ones

I feel so tired

Of everything

of me

of my facade

I feel like i can't find my way

It feels like all the strength that I have before just lost

wash away by the rain~~~

I dont know what's happening

but all I know is i need some time to get away

I have to go home and I need to go home...

naraj'10