Loose

Dearly Beloved,

I dont know if we are going to make it through this time around. But I really do love you with all my heart. And if i'm letting us go, please know that the decision is really killing me.

I know you are a good guy. I know you have the potentials to be a great man someday. If you learn to ditch your bad habits, which I always nagged you about. But I guess, you never really listen to me anymore.

Just so you know, Action speaks louder than Words. Plus, when you keep flaunting that love words around, it doesnt have any special meaning anymore. I dont even know the different between your love for me and your love that you told to those other girls. I dont even know which is real anymore. 

You need to learn some few things if you want any of your future relationship to last. 
Firstly, learn to be 'amanah' with all the things that you said and plan out, in other words, learn to meant every words you said and dont get people hope up for nothing (that is just plain cruel and not funny). Dont simply said and promised people something then you just decide to forget about it. Try your best to fulfilled every words you said, if you couldnt, then let the person knows in advance not on the very same day you promised them or worse, not letting them know at all and just keep hoping. That hurts you know.

Secondly, learn and understand what loyal, faithful, devoted and committed really means. When you claim you are being loyal and faithful, it means you won't go around messaging any other random or unknown girls behind her back. Even if it was just for fun in your point of view, but that is already considered as not being faithful. When someone is committed and faithful to you, they dont even bother to look for other people just to be funny or just to joke around. A faithful person will only focus on the person they fall in love with and focus on them alone and ignoring all other people (unless, its your friends who needs your help in a good way..not just out of being bored, you have your girlfriend for that). 

Thirdly, learn to not make fun of others misfortune. Especially if what they were was given by God. Like limping legs, or imperfect mouth. For you its just for fun and laughing behind their back is okay. But remember, you are laughing at God's creation and gifts. And everytime you want to make fun of people, even to just joke around, replay your words or what you would say inside your head, and imagine those words are being said towards you. Usually, after you done those things, I would asked you that question, imagine that someone else said that exact same words to you. Your answer is always, that you would get angry and punch that person face or something. Even if that is just for fun, you yourself would get angry or sad. Do you think that person that you talked about dont have the same feelings too?

Lastly, learn to control your lust or atleast remove yourself from that group of friends thats always sharing you those indecent pictures and videos. Its not helping you in controlling your own lust if you keep on seeing those stuff and even worse when your circle of friends are spreading it around and not helping you in stopping it. It doesnt do you any good. And those kind of things doesnt make you look cool at all. And much worse, when your friends knows that you have a girlfriend but you enjoy those kind of things and engaged in talking about those thing, your friends wont even say it to your face, but behind you, they would say how pity your girlfriend is for not knowing what you are doing behind her back. And that my love, is the same thing as disrespecting your relationship and your girlfriend as well. 

You always said that I think too much and too deep or too far. Yes, I do. Because I am thinking about my future. I know what I want in a relationship and I know what I need. I am thinking further in marriage sense, because I've heard all the sad stories of a 5 years marriage, a 10 years marriage, a 20 years marriage that are becoming dull because of what the husband did and how the husband began to take things for granted. I dont want that kind of life or marriage. That scares me, and thats why i'm thinking in advance of everything. Heart change, people change.

If only in a year, you have start to take things for granted and began to be unfaithful towards me, its a nightmare for me thinking that this would keep happening my whole life being married with you. Being brokenhearted day by day. This is not something I can do anymore. It exhaust me. And I am not strong enough to be who I am anymore. I have turn to be a toxic person to our relationship, with all my insecurities and trust issues.

Maybe I was not meant to be your forever. Maybe we are just lesson for each other.
But I do love you and devoted to you with all my heart that I dont even know if there's anyone else is out there for me. But this is the limit that I could take.




An exhausted and broken me,
naraj2017

Not Enough

Have you really ever been in love? Like being devoted to that one person only, while your eyes and your heart went blind to the rest of the world?

I did. Always did.

But when the person that you devote your life and your time with, doesn't feel that they need to go that extra mile for you. Like they still look at other girls and messaging them ( like saying how much u love them or you missed them, or wish u could see them) or tweeting them (like saying to other girl who doesnt even know you to 'be mine') for the sake of just having fun (thats the reason that they would give). And I was not cool enough to understand that it was nothing and just being silly for being hurt by that 'nothing' that they describe. 

Well, after committing my time and being devoted to only them, that behavior that they do, it makes me feel like i was never enough for them. And it kept me thinking as well, are they ready for a commitment with this kind of behavior?

I dont think so too.

Just a boy

he was just a boy
who thinks that he is good enough to be a man
he was just living in his own made up world
listening to everything his mind made up for him

he was just a boy
who keeps looking for someone to be blame
for everything that he failed to have
for every mess that he created for himself

he was just a boy
who knows how to play with words
picking up strays and pieces of sentences from someone else feelings
reusing the same old sentences he keeps feeding to his new interest

he was just a boy
who managed to open my heart
and destroyed it in just a blink of an eye
without even looking back

he was just a boy
living in his own illusions
instead of making it happen
coz all he ever did was just standing there

he was just a boy
who used to seem so fragile and scared
who used to keep begging me to promise not to leave him
who walks away easily when i hold on to my promises

when i thought that he was a man
a real man who finally can keep up with me
turns out that it was just a facade
coz he was just a boy lost in his own illusions

-naraj2014-

You Ruin Me

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

Bitter

never knew i could feel like this
never knew i could love like this
never knew anyone would lie for this
never knew anyone can pretend something so real

all i ever want was to love
all i ever want was to be there
all i ever want was to make him happy
all i ever did was loving him with all my heart

but now all i ever knew was pain
all i ever did was cry
all the memories that remains
turns out to be just lies

i was invisible
i didnt exist in his world
i never did
when i made him mine

all thats left was bitterness
my heart was trying to mend itself
i dont want to cure in a bitter way
my heart should never be bitter

coz thats all i have left now
pieces of broken heart
that are full of love and hope
i dont want to be bitter
coz i am much better than that


-naraj2014-

Proved You Wrong

Cold as ice, your words cut like knives
I deserve a prize, for sticking around this long

I’m nothing without you
And no one loves me like you do
Always left me feeling black and blue
Well this can go on and on and on


But I hey I’m breaking free just watch me walk away
Had your hooks in me but I escaped
I don’t need excuses
Done with your abuses
Telling me that I’m not strong baby
Hey just listen to the song cause
I proved you wrong


It’s easier letting go of us
Said I didn’t even have the guts
Yeah, here I am backing up
I’m taking my heart back cause I’ve had enough


Hey I’m done with you and all the lies you made
You were such a mistake

Archis Blood

I called it quits, fell to the ground
I hid every welt, I made every round
I drank 'til dark, my family cried
Trouble, I find, chooses her side

But I had enough, I had enough
I had enough, I had enough, I had enough

Don't let them win
Don't let them get under your skin, into your head
They're full of it
You're full of life,

You'll proved them right if you're giving up


So let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood

I've got my words, they're gonna cut
Sure took a while to say it's enough
I've got my heart, it's full of love
Sure took a while to learn it's enough

So let's go for blood, let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood, let's go for blood

Well, it sure took a while to turn it around
But I never gave up on me
Yeah, it sure took a while to turn it around
But I never gave up on me

Let's go for blood, let's go for blood, let's go for blood

Love~

All this while
I thought what i've felt before was love
I thought i was in love
that i really was in love

I always thought
love is not as beautiful as i always imagine it was
maybe it was only that beautiful and blissful in my head
maybe it was just my imagination

then i met him
and he showed me
the kind of love that i always imagined
the kind that makes you feel blissful and grateful

the kind that makes you feel so lucky
the kind that makes you want to tell the world
that you finally found the one
found your soulmate

the kind of love that makes you unselfish
the kind that all you want was his happiness
the kind that makes you want to be his backbone
the kind that you'd do anything to make him happy

its the kind of love
that eventhough how hard everything falls apart
you could never hate him
because it was true love

it was the first love
that was true to me
the one that makes me feel how lucky I am
to be able to feel that kind of feeling before I go

real love, it is a beautiful thing...
and i'm lucky enough to experienced it in my part

-naraj2014-

...learn...