Bad Blood

Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look at what you've done

Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And  now we got bad blood

Did you have to do this?

I was thinking that you could be trusted
Did you have to ruin what was shining now it's all rusted
Did you have to hit me?
Where I'm weak , I couldn't breathe
And rub it in so deep
Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me
Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times
You and I

Did you think we'd be fine?
Still got scars on my back from your knife
So don't think it's in the past
These kind of wounds they last and they last
Now did you think it all through?
All these things will catch up to you
And time can heal but this won't
So if your coming my way, just don't

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
If you live like that, you live with ghosts
Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
If you love like that, blood runs cold

All You Had To Do Was Stay

People like you always want back the love they gave away
And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed
The more I think about it now the less I know
All I know is that you drove us off the road

Stay
Hey, all you had to do was stay
Had me in the palm of your hand
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
Stay,  now you say you want it back 
Now that it's just too late
Well, it could've been easy
All you had to do was stay

Here you are now, calling me up, but I don't know what to say
I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made
People like you always want back the love they pushed aside
But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye


Let me remind
You this was what you wanted
You ended it
You were all I wanted
But not like this
Not like this
Oh, all you had to do was stay

Hey, all you had to do was stay
Had me in the palm of your hand
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
Stay, hey, now you say you want it back 
Now that it's just too late
Well, it could've been easy
All you had to do was stay

Ignorance

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same 
We're not the same 
Oh we're not the same
Yeah the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good 

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same 
We're not the same 
Oh we're not the same
Yeah we used to stick together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good 
It's good

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Playing God

Can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision
Well maybe you should tie me up
So I don't go where you don't want me

You say that I've been changing
That I'm not just simply aging
Yeah how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing
Well we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who's holy

It's just my humble opinion
But it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret
I'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

Foolish Games

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've got
Off track with you.

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

These foolish games are tearing me apart,

And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.

You're breaking my heart.

You took your coat off,

Stood in the rain,

You're always crazy like that.

I was wrong

I'm not the type who easily get in a relationship.
Coz I know that I'm the kind of person who is very loyal and its hard for me to let go once I make myself to promised to never leave.
Yes, I know, its easy for me to fall.
But for me to commit,it will take time unless I believed that it was for real.
I get hurt easily.
I've been hurt my whole life.
and all I want is to feel loved and not hurt anymore.

I used to make an exception to this one guy.
The reason for me to easily excepting him in my life?
easy... he was hurt by someone he loved before, he said he was betrayed by that someone.
and I believed that, he used to felts how it is to be betrayed, how it is to be hurt by people you loved..so he won't do the same thing to me.
Boy, was I wrong...
I was sooooooo wrong...

Knowing he used to be hurt,
he make me promised, which i always kept what i promised (insya-Allah)
he make me promised that i would never leave him
he make me promised that if one day, i fall out of love from him i would tell him directly
I would let him know so that we wont hurt each other by betraying the trust
he make me promised that this would last
he make me promised a lot

and you know what,
in the end, he broke all those promises he make me promised to him
and why?
because he never promised me the same thing
because I trusted him to keep the same promised that he make me do
because I believed in him to never hurt me
because he never had any promised he had to hold on to
because I never make him promised me anything but happiness and adventures ad being there for each other

he used to say that I was clingy
earlier stage, he used to message me every morning, early in the morning
then he stops abruptly
so i started messaging him instead, early in the morning to give back the feeling he used to give me when receiving those messages
and in one of those messages i used to say "I missed those early messages you used to sent to me"
and those things i said, are being used against me
he told me I was being clingy and childish
he told me I was being unreasonable
and he started getting annoyed and angry easily towards me
when all I did was just letting him know how much I missed that
and his presence
for me, being in a long distance relationship have gave both of us so much space between each other..
and yet, he told me he needed space  -_____-
(What??!!! *do it in Taylor Swift style in her song "We are never getting back together" LOL)

he started being distant...
less communication...
easily annoyed even by the littlest thing i've done, like asking him if he is okay a couple times in one conversation...( like hello!! i was concern about you a******! -__-)
and me being positive keep thinking,
maybe he was stressed at home and due to his current condition that time
so i try my best to make him feel less stressed
I keep saying sorry for things I never should
I keep holding myself back coz I was scared that he would get mad at me
I keep surpressing my own emotions
i tried every thing to make him happy
to the point that I bought him plane tickets to see me
plane tickets for him to go out from this state
and all with the thoughts of making him less stress and happy
with the intention of being someone who can be there for him when he feel down

but i was wrong
i was unappreciated
turns out he was just making excuses for himself
excuses to avoid him from saying how he didnt love me anymore
excuses to make me feel like i was never good enough
excuses that makes me feel like I was the worst person who's dragging him to hell
more and more excuses
while I keep beg and beg and beg
rejection after rejection
I finally gave it up
and thats when he finally shows the real reason
another girl...
he happily flaunt around proudly
using the same old words he used to sent me
saying that we are the angels he falls for
and i bet, he gave her 'The Moon Song' that i have found and gave it to him during our days
a song about being in a long distance relationship

and i know i was wrong
for telling people what he did to me
for letting people know how he hurt me
but I'm keeping this to remind me
to make me remember
that love in this world will never be real enough
this world is just an illusions
sweet words can just be mention anytime
promises can be flaunt around without keeping it
and that talk about marriage? 
anyone can promise you they will marry you
anyone can come and meet your family and giving them hope before they crush it down
and I thought that the word marriage was a sacred thing
that people wont just say it out unless they meant it
and again
I was wrong
I was so wrong

and I learnt...


-naraj2014-

Mean

“And I can see you years from now 

Talking over a football game 

With that same big loud opinion 

But nobody’s listening 

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things  

Grumbling on about how I can’t sing

But all you are is mean.”

Just a boy

he was just a boy
who thinks that he is good enough to be a man
he was just living in his own made up world
listening to everything his mind made up for him

he was just a boy
who keeps looking for someone to be blame
for everything that he failed to have
for every mess that he created for himself

he was just a boy
who knows how to play with words
picking up strays and pieces of sentences from someone else feelings
reusing the same old sentences he keeps feeding to his new interest

he was just a boy
who managed to open my heart
and destroyed it in just a blink of an eye
without even looking back

he was just a boy
living in his own illusions
instead of making it happen
coz all he ever did was just standing there

he was just a boy
who used to seem so fragile and scared
who used to keep begging me to promise not to leave him
who walks away easily when i hold on to my promises

when i thought that he was a man
a real man who finally can keep up with me
turns out that it was just a facade
coz he was just a boy lost in his own illusions

-naraj2014-

Sweeter than you ever were

I saw it in the news
You told me they were wrong
And I stood up for you
'Cause I believed you were the one

You had all the chances in the world
To let me know the truth
What the hell's wrong with you?

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

I'm so mad at you right now
I can't even find the words
And you're on the way down
I can't wait to see you burn
You try to make me hate that girl
When I should be hating you
What the hell's wrong with you?

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were
(than you ever were)
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

Nothing can save you now that it's over
I guess that you'll find out when you're no one
Don't say you're sorry now 'cause I just don't care

Nothing can save you now, nothing
Nothing can save you now, nothing

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
You're eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were
(than you ever were)
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

You Ruin Me

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

Bitter

never knew i could feel like this
never knew i could love like this
never knew anyone would lie for this
never knew anyone can pretend something so real

all i ever want was to love
all i ever want was to be there
all i ever want was to make him happy
all i ever did was loving him with all my heart

but now all i ever knew was pain
all i ever did was cry
all the memories that remains
turns out to be just lies

i was invisible
i didnt exist in his world
i never did
when i made him mine

all thats left was bitterness
my heart was trying to mend itself
i dont want to cure in a bitter way
my heart should never be bitter

coz thats all i have left now
pieces of broken heart
that are full of love and hope
i dont want to be bitter
coz i am much better than that


-naraj2014-

Proved You Wrong

Cold as ice, your words cut like knives
I deserve a prize, for sticking around this long

I’m nothing without you
And no one loves me like you do
Always left me feeling black and blue
Well this can go on and on and on


But I hey I’m breaking free just watch me walk away
Had your hooks in me but I escaped
I don’t need excuses
Done with your abuses
Telling me that I’m not strong baby
Hey just listen to the song cause
I proved you wrong


It’s easier letting go of us
Said I didn’t even have the guts
Yeah, here I am backing up
I’m taking my heart back cause I’ve had enough


Hey I’m done with you and all the lies you made
You were such a mistake

Here I am...Wasted

I'll protect you, don't be scared
No matter what, I will be there
I'll be gentle, I'll be light
These are the words you whispered in the night

Now I'm standing in the cold

Everything is said and done

Atomic winter in my soul

From the absence of the sun

My loneliness was a rattle in the windows

You said you don't want me anymore

And you left me

Standing on a corner crying,

Feeling like a fool for trying

I wish I could erase our memory

'Cause you didn't give a damn about me

The only remedy I know

Is I gotta let you go

But where were you when I was scared

A broken promise left me here

you say : "I'm sorry"

but I know you're not

I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind

What you did, boy, I'll never forget

There will come a day when all of this is in my past

And there will come a day when you're out of my head at last

I'm trying not to fall

Damn it's such a long way down

But here I am

Laying down on the bathroom floor

Finally I'm through

Wasting all these tears on you

Archis Blood

I called it quits, fell to the ground
I hid every welt, I made every round
I drank 'til dark, my family cried
Trouble, I find, chooses her side

But I had enough, I had enough
I had enough, I had enough, I had enough

Don't let them win
Don't let them get under your skin, into your head
They're full of it
You're full of life,

You'll proved them right if you're giving up


So let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood

I've got my words, they're gonna cut
Sure took a while to say it's enough
I've got my heart, it's full of love
Sure took a while to learn it's enough

So let's go for blood, let's go for blood
Let's go for blood, let's go for blood, let's go for blood

Well, it sure took a while to turn it around
But I never gave up on me
Yeah, it sure took a while to turn it around
But I never gave up on me

Let's go for blood, let's go for blood, let's go for blood

Notice

I'm still dancing
Now we're burning
The heat was rising
And now we're breathing more and more

And I'm still trying
I'm not tired just yet
My eyes are drying
I never dream that you forget

In my room there was doubt
Now no words can come out
We were friends, we had heat
Now I choke when you speak
Because you never notice me
Because you never notice me

Can you see me now
Can you hear me shout
When I'm dancing through the fear

Will you catch my fall
Do you know me at all
It's like you never notice me
It's like you never notice me

Notice me

Damaged

and when i thought that my heart was broken into pieces
and when i thought that i finally find a solid ground
and when i thought that i finally moved on
and when i thought that i finally found my feet to get back up again
and when i thought i will arise

thats when it all came falling apart again
thats when i lost everything again
thats when my heart finally had its final straw
thats when i feel like nothing matters anymore
thats when i know i'm still not over you
coz you're the first one i was thinking of running to

the only two people who really cares
who really loves me for who i am
who always been there for me since i was a child
who showered me with love and attention that i never get from others
who backed me up every single time
who understands me more than anyone else
the only two people that really matters
both are gone now
and i have no where else to turn
i have no one else to love me like they do
to shower me with love and affections

i was trying hard not to look for you
i was trying hard not to find you
i was trying hard not to be weak again
i was trying hard coz i was scared of your indifference
i was scared that your reaction would shattered me more
losing, hoping, expecting...

i think i am finally damaged...
and all i've become was a living and walking contradiction..

-naraj2014-

write hard...

What hurts the most

what if all these while you never knew
that his feelings for you slowly starts to fade
what if all these while its only you
who keep growing the love inside your heart

what if it was just a pretend
to hold on to the promises thats been said
what if he's been looking for reasons
to let you go and never coming back again

and what hurts the most is
i will never know

-naraj2014-

in love

how can I?

tears stream, down your face,when you lost something you cannot replace-Coldplay 'Fix You'-

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot have each other
Must be strong and must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Cannot dream, cannot share, sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel, how we feel, must pretend it's over
Must be brave and must go on
Must not say what we've known all alone

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

the way i loved you

Everything's cool

It's all gonna be okay

And I know,

Maybe I'll even laugh about it someday

But not today, no

Cause I don't feel so good

I'm tangled up inside

My heart is on my sleeve

Tomorrow is a mystery to me

Letting you go is

Making me feel so cold

And I've been trying to make

Believe it doesn't hurt

But that makes it worse

See, I'm a wreck inside

My tongue is tied and my

Whole body feels so weak

The future may be all I really need

Like a first love,

The one and only true love

Wasn't it written all over my face

I loved you like you loved me

Like something pure and holy

Like something that can never be replaced

And it was wonderful,

It was magical,

It was everything I've waited for,

A miracle

And if I should ever fall in love again

With someone new

Oh, It could never be the way

No, It will never be the way

I loved you

Love~

All this while
I thought what i've felt before was love
I thought i was in love
that i really was in love

I always thought
love is not as beautiful as i always imagine it was
maybe it was only that beautiful and blissful in my head
maybe it was just my imagination

then i met him
and he showed me
the kind of love that i always imagined
the kind that makes you feel blissful and grateful

the kind that makes you feel so lucky
the kind that makes you want to tell the world
that you finally found the one
found your soulmate

the kind of love that makes you unselfish
the kind that all you want was his happiness
the kind that makes you want to be his backbone
the kind that you'd do anything to make him happy

its the kind of love
that eventhough how hard everything falls apart
you could never hate him
because it was true love

it was the first love
that was true to me
the one that makes me feel how lucky I am
to be able to feel that kind of feeling before I go

real love, it is a beautiful thing...
and i'm lucky enough to experienced it in my part

-naraj2014-

dreams

my memories are so vivid
but you dissappeared like a smoke
sometimes i'm confused
whether its a dream or reality

i almost lost my mind
running around waiting for you
screaming around hoping for you
crying around wanting for you

sometimes i wish it was a dream
so i can wake up from the nightmare
so i can rewrite the happy ending
so i can ignore all the pain

~naraj2014~

How to say goodbye...

How are we at the end, am I ready
baby tell me why you run
Go ahead, once again that you're sorry
I know we're already done

This happens every time. You're already out of sight.
Where did we go wrong and how'd we end up
Take a breath, take it in, I am falling
You taught me how to fall in love

wasting all this time
if there's anything you learn from lies
it's how to say goodbye
when did you let go to keep me hanging
waiting for a sign

if there's something I saw in your eyes
it's how to say goodbye

the blade is touching on the bone
love is all that I have but it's sinking
crying out to be alone
this happens every time
you're already out of sight
and you taught me how to leave it behind

Falling to nothingness...

Exhausted
I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Broke down every night and somehow become my lullaby
Broke down every morning after everyone leave the house

I'm falling apart
More and more each day
my heart, my hope, my love
I dont know if i could carry on this way

Now i dreaded
going to that place
the place where I might see you
Your face in the crowd
Afraid that I would be broken beyond saving
seeing the face that I love so much
that i missed so much
but beyond my reach

I never want to give up
coz this is more than just a fleeting feelings for me
i dreamt of forever
but you let go easily

I dread the day i see you
might be the day when i will be into pieces
i know i wont die
but i also know, i wont be the same
i feel the lights are slowly dying
the darkness starts creeping in
what i was once,
will only be the shell that held me in

-naraj2014-

What If

Don't speak, I can't believe
This is here happening
Our situation isn't right
Get real, who you playing with?
I never thought he'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side

When you say that you want me
I just don't believe it
You're always ready to give up
Whenever I turn around

What if I need you baby?
Would you even try to save me?
Or would you find some lame excuse
To never be true
What if I said I loved you?
Would you be the one to run to?
Or would you watch me walk away
Without a fight

I'm so sick of worrying
That you're gonna quit over anything
I could trip and you'd let go like that
And everything that we ever were
Seems to fade but not the hurt
Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

Every time I speak you try to stop me
Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say you're noticing but you never see
This is who I really am, that you can't believe
Makes me want to know right now
If it's me you'll live without
Or would you change your mind
What if I need you?

where i stood

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

Time...

healing takes time
thats what people keep saying

i deserves better
believe me, i got tired hearing those words
especially from the people who left me

am I that easy to be replaced?
am I that boring that people keep leaving me?
am I not worth the truth by telling me that there's no more love for me instead of lying and telling me i deserves better?
am I?

moving on,
sounds easy for some people
but thats not me
i'm not the kind who gave my heart away
and able to just walk away easily

isn't there anyone who knows how to hold my heart?
is it that hard?
all i want is time
is it so hard?
unless people only keep wanting me as their trophies
as some sort of conquest

i'm tired
i dont think my heart can take it anymore
and this last one,
its the worst
coz i love him more than he deserves

imagine this
waking up everyday
trying to keep your chin up
and put on a brave face
when inside
your heart keeps breaking
knowing that
you have been forgotten by that person you love
and somehow
they dont even care anymore for you
and even degrade you in front of people
and being a jerk to you
and yet
you still cant stop loving
all you do is
fighting the urge to call them
the urge to contact them
to tell them how much you missed them
but you cant
because they are not yours anymore
not even yours to begin with

it hurts
it really does
it still is

broken...
naraj2014

bleeding...

Hurts

Never felt this kind of hurt before
My heart breaks everywhere i turned
all the places, all the faces

I live my life with him in every thoughts
with him in every decision
with him as the person i talk about
I've arrange my world to revolved with him besides me
the presents, the future...all with him next to me

his smell, began to fade
but his smile, his laugh, his voice
still stuck in my head
it hurts
when you love someone so much but you have to let go
it hurts
when you love someone but their love for you have fade away
it hurts
coz i still love him no matter what
it hurts
even when he betray me and i still love him
it hurts
when i was still in love but he moved on easily
it hurts
and all i want to do was to lay down and cry

love is not something i give in easily
and when i do, i will fight till i become numb enough to move on
i love with all that i have
and i love him too much to hate him

i cried to every song that we love
i cried to every movie that we used to talk about
i cried to every moments that we used to share
i cried to every picture that we had together
for every little thing...all i did was cry

my heart still bleeds
and it's unstoppable
i need him
all i wish is that he need me too

naraj2014

Ghost of Me

Some days, I feel my heart was as light as feathers
Some days, I feel like i can barely breathe
Some days, I know I still love you but I'm letting this go
Some days, I know I miss you but I couldnt let you know
Some days, I wonder how did we end up like this?
Some days, I wonder where did I went wrong?
Some days, I miss the you that used to shower me with love
Some days, I hate the you that keeping me away
Some days, all I feel that I want to do is lie down and cry
Some days, all I need is someone to comfort me

But most of the days,
not a single tears ever missed going down from this eyes
not a single seconds ever went without you in my mind

My heart have been closed for so many years
but with you, I've opened up and become fragile
Trusting that finally it wont break
trusting that finally someone wont let it go
trusting that finally i found you

But I was wrong
and now I was broken in more ways than I ever did
I was shattered to the point where there is no more left to break
I was finally an empty shell of human
filled up by the ghost of me


-naraj2014-

how does it feels?

For once, i thought that this is it
For once, I thought I've found someone who can't bear to lose me
For once, I thought I've found someone who loves me as much as I do

But I was wrong again...

how does it feels?
to be on the other side?
to be the one that gets all the begging?
to be the one ignoring all the begging?
to be the one holding the trigger that could kill a heart
to be the one that pulled the trigger no matter how much that other person loves you
to be the one that doesn't feel the need to have the loved ones by their side
to be the one that walks away

how does that feels to you?
to received all the love that I can give
to received all the attention that I always give
to still hate every little things that annoy you
to hate the little part of me that makes me who I am
to disrespect me in front of strangers about how annoyed you are with me
how suffocating I am to you
how does that feels?

is it empowering?
is it good?
does it makes you feel better?

i wonder...i only can wonder..
coz my heart was made to love truly and deeply
and doing everything i could before anything took you away
to fight to protect the relationship
but I guess, its another waste of time
another pieces to be broken


xoxo
-naraj2014-

losing hope

Sad, beautiful tragic love affair

Love...
I never thought that I would fall for him
I never thought that I would end up loving him
I never thought that I would love again

I fall for him
Fall for the idea of the future he keep telling me of
Fall for the idea of getting engaged and married in a short time
Fall for the idea of living together soon in a Halal way
Fall for the idea of a mature part of him

But I guess
once the feeling is lost
no matter how i tried to begged
he wont come back

I guess love just lost
I guess my life is just a circle of people abandoning me
I guess I'm not worth for anyone to stay
I guess I am not fit to be love

Coz in the end,
they would say I was trying to change them
in the end,
they would put all the blame on me when everything was being discussed
in the end,
I'm the only one who is stupid enough to be loyal
in the end,
I'm the only one left fighting
in the end,
it's only me alone.

...Lost...

I can't exactly described how i feel now...

The feelings that keep eating me inside...

Somehow makes me feel like i want to be jaded again...

Without all the fuss and the pain...

Been trying to be careful of your feelings...

Knowing how fragile you are now...

All i want to do is help you...

and ease your mind...

If a simple question repeated like "Are you okay?" can annoy you

What makes you think you wont be annoyed or angry with my other antics?

And if you got annoyed, what will you do then?

Taking some space for yourself again?

Each time you ask for space,

each freaking time my heart was breaking

I'm not angry but i was hurt

and I don't want my heart to be in its survival mode again

Coz that would mean that I won't even care anymore

All I want to do was to make you happy

but all it seems like i was making you stressed

I'm trying my best to be there for you

and that how i show my love to you

coz after a while, even "I love you" seems empty to me

-naraj2014-

...behold..beware...

for whatever you will find in here
might not please your heart...
but along the pages
you will learn
bits and pieces of what i am
and what i used to be..